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Trust Me

29 Oct

Do you remember when you believed everything people told you? Or knew in your heart that your “bestie” that week was going to be your “bestie” for life? Unfortunately, eventually we catch our parents leaving a dollar under our pillow or our best friend sits with someone else at lunch and our view of the world is forever changed. Watching my children get hurt through what is normal every day interaction with human beings is tough. You can’t protect them from it. It just happens as we all know. The world is not there to serve them which is a hard lesson to learn sometimes. Sometimes people hurt you, even if it’s unintentional. All you can do is prepare them and then be there to catch them if they fall and reassure them that it’s just a part of life. Some of us can shrug it off relatively easily, others, not so much.

But let’s face it. When you’re an adult and have been hurt enough times, it’s hard enough yourself to trust, let alone teach someone else to trust. Despite being fortunate enough to have had terrific mentors and loving family members; like you, throughout my life I’ve had my share of backstabbing friends, self serving bosses, lying girlfriends, and haphazard thieves who helped themselves to guitars out of the trunk of my car. And then there’s life’s ability to sucker punch you, like when my best friend died at the age of twenty two. And, of course, if you’re reading this, there’s a good chance the one relationship1390267987623884429306.15044 you knew you could count on for eternity simply went Ker-Plunk for what could be a multitude of reasons.

So there you sit; all wounded and banged up, when your kid walks in crying because their best friend lied to them or said something mean behind their back. Based on the type of day you’re having, in your head you may be thinking, “People suck honey, best you realize that now.” But you and I both know that’s not the answer nor is it a true sense of the big picture. Yes, some people suck. And sometimes people hurt you inadvertently or unknowingly simply because of childhood wounds that leave you vulnerable to certain actions by those around you. Sometimes you simply assume the worst or misread someone’s actions. Or perhaps their own world may be a train wreck and you simply happen to be standing on the tracks at the wrong time.

Regardless, the truth is life is complicated and humans are a crapshoot. My mentor in college once told me, “Every day we each have the potential to be the asshole. So look in the mirror each morning and ask yourself, will I let it be me today?”

Staying positive and remaining a trusting soul takes effort and character. I’ve done a relatively good job of being able to focus on the positive or overcome the adversity of negativity throughout my life; but trust is a whole other ball of wax. That one has always been a struggle for me and every knock down only makes it harder.

As I watch my kids grow, evolve, learn and progress, I realize there are certain lessons I need to teach them that I myself need to learn as well. Not giving up on humanity, my world or those around me is one of them. Becoming a more giving and open individual is another one; even if it means leaving myself open to pain. Finding that balance between being smart, cautious and streetwise while being trusting, open and vulnerable is one of life’s greatest challenges. But to close ourselves off completely due to hurt, anger, disappointment or perceived judgement is a dangerous path to take. We may need to hole up for a bit to lick our wounds, but eventually we need to let people back in and give them an opportunity to gain our trust.

My children will hurt. That’s a given. I can’t help that fact. They’re human as are those around them. But despite having experienced my share of hurt and disappointment, I can teach them to continue trusting and believing in people, life, their world and the cosmos. To be trustworthy in their own right. To appreciate and understand human nature. To be self reliant and strong. To be vulnerable but self assured. To be giving as well as FORgiving.

And above all, I can give them the greatest gift; and that is to always trust themselves.

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5 Comments

Posted by on October 29, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 responses to “Trust Me

  1. Nephila

    October 30, 2014 at 1:58 am

    My son was 5. I was crying all the time and my husband was blaming me behind the scenes for everything. I never said why I was crying. It could have been anything because I made no accusations. But my son said, clearly and crisply “daddy, why do you make mummy cry all the time?”. Paul was floored. It was a turning point.

    I know my son has a good inner GPS. Just have to keep it growing. And that’s hard.

    Because I imagine being at his wedding, or my daughter’s and hearing all the usual blather that is said then, that was said at my wedding. How well matched we were, how obviously loving we were, how wise to take our time…. And if I hear that again I’m going to be tempted to roll my eyes and say “yeah, get back to me in 10 years after a sociopath has had a go at your marriage. Then we will see how loyal you are. Then we will see your boundaries. Then we will see how good your character is. Until then, let’s just wait and see.”

    And that’s not what the mother of the bride or groom is meant to say right? Even though it’s the truth.

     
  2. divorced dad

    October 30, 2014 at 9:36 am

    It is definitely easy to be cynical based on our own experiences. Have thought the same thing actually. But I see friends of mine who have strong healthy relationships and that gives me hope. I know they struggle, but they’ve worked through it and are stronger than ever because of it. I admire them not only for sticking it out, but for being testimony to the fact that it is possible to find a long lasting loving healthy relationship with your best friend.

     
  3. Illinois Paternity Lawyer

    November 13, 2014 at 9:44 am

    Humans are a crapshoot, I like the insight, Bill. Great post though. those times when our lives are forever changed can be so minuscule at the time.

     
  4. reinventing the wheeler

    November 15, 2014 at 5:02 pm

    Your kids are lucky to have you!!!

     
    • billfilipiak

      November 15, 2014 at 6:29 pm

      Very kind of you. Actually I’m the lucky one.

       

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