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Monthly Archives: August 2014

Sunday Morning Coming Down

It is Sunday morning. There’s a light rain falling outside my window as I’m typing this and I’m about to start on my second cup of coffee (Tim Horton’s home brew if you’re a stickler for details). The occasional thunderclap has the dogs lying at my feet which makes me feel a bit like a setting for a Normal Rockwell painting. The kids are at their mom’s today so it’s a chance for me to catch up on some work, do some laundry and take advantage of a quiet house, although I must admit sometimes I find it difficult topickerimage focus when it’s this quiet.

Last night was my first full night’s sleep in a while. As I’ve written before, life seems more manageable when you’re rested. There’s something about sleep deprivation that makes every issue in your life bigger and less conquerable. Even if the pile of issues lying before you still seems insurmountable, there’s something about rest that allows you to look at them a little more objectively and with a little less sense of overwhelmed panic. And so I sit here, preparing to tackle some of the smaller items on my list one at a time. Knowing that progress of any kind will bring about a sense of calm knowing I’m moving forward and addressing things.

Really no heavy point to this particular post other than to wish you a good morning and encourage you to enjoy the moments when life gives you a respite from the mountain of chaos that may be your world on any given day. Savor the victories no matter how small. And try to remember, you’re never alone on this journey.

 

 
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Posted by on August 17, 2014 in Alone, Daily Life

 

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Who Knew Divorce Was Such Hard Work?

Trust is one of the cornerstones of a successful marriage and for some, the lack of it is often what leads to the end of the marriage. The reality is that trust is also the cornerstone of a successful divorce. Stop laughing. If you’re divorced and have kids, you already know divorce is as much work, if not more, than marriage. Especially if that divorce involves kids and a co-parenting plan. Even if you had trust in your marriage, maintaining it as two single parents can be a struggle at times. It’s hard enough to build trust when both parties are living under one roof and building the same life together. Now you’re in two separate homes, living two separate lives, and reaching for different north stars as individuals. While you’re still very much focused on raising the kids together, other aspects of your lives are changing. Circumstances are going to change and a certain amount of distance will continue to expand between the two of you as your lives take you in different directions. Knowing in the back of your mind that your ex will have less and less concern for your own personal needs, wants and visions, it’s natural that defenses will go up any time there’s a sign that one of you is pulling away or acting more independently.
TrustWordCloud

This works both ways.

Finding that balance between starting a new life while still managing essential parts of the old one is, in my opinion, the hardest part of divorce. The amount of thought, effort and consideration it takes to ride the waves of two separate lives that are intertwined through parenthood can be hell sometimes. I’ve stated before and it bares repeating; the death of a marriage is a slow arduous process that continues even after the papers are signed. Even as a divorced couple there are still elements of our old relationship that you’re naturally going to hold on to and attempt to maintain. Let’s face it, change is hard. Even if that change is a positive one. Learning to coexist under a different set of rules is backbreaking.

The reality is, your divorce isn’t unlike any other relationship you have. There will be ebbs and flows on a daily, weekly, monthly and annual basis. Elements of your new lives will influence decisions and actions and you’ll wake up some mornings wondering, “what the hell just happened?” I promise you that for every freak out moment you have, your ex is having three. If you both truly care for your children, you’re both going to get your dander up on occasion when you don’t feel a fluid, even keeled, co-parenting plan in action. You’re also going to go into a mental tailspin any time you see your ex make a move that may or may not indirectly affect your own life. As much as you’re living separate lives, as parents it’s no secret that your own tides are influenced by your ex’s moon from time to time. Try to remember; your lives are likely going a mile a minute. You’re both juggling a LOT as you attempt to be both the mom and the dad at home. You’re going to go through financial waves that influence your mood and your decision making. From time to time the lines of communication are going to breakdown. There will be misunderstandings and misreads. When they happen, do your best to stop and scan the current landscape. Certain cornerstones have likely been knocked out of place and you and your ex are going to have to reset them properly. That may take a bit of time and effort but it has to happen otherwise everyone loses.

So stop. Breathe. Shake it off and get back to focusing on the kids. Then when you’re ready and the dust settles, regroup and rebuild.

It’s all a good lesson in trusting the cosmos.

 

 
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Posted by on August 14, 2014 in Daily Life, dealing with stress, Divorce, trust

 

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The Chalk Wall Command Center

This past week my sister came to visit and helped me get some work done on the house. One of the jobs was painting bathrooms and a wall in the kitchen. On a whim, we decided to try chalk board paint on the kitchen wall and I’ll tell you, so far it seems to be a huge hit!

On it we have a weekly calendar for a quick reference regarding events, who the kids will be with and whatever we need reminders about. There’s a daily weather forecast so the kids know how to dress for school which one of the kids is always responsible for. A menu so we know what’s10568905_10152573678487908_3045153205304462917_n available for dinner. There’s also a grocery list where anyone can jot down something we’re in need of. The beauty is, when we head to the grocery store, we simply take a picture of the list and access it on our phone when we get there.

Other sections we’re currently working on include a chores list, a tip of the week, a poetry section, and putting up important themes and words that represent the type of energy we want in the house. As a communication tool I’m looking forward to seeing how we can utilize it to keep up with school work, game schedules, supply lists and whatever else we can think of. It’s like a huge command center for the house that keeps us all on the same page (or wall as is the case here).

Cost? The paint cost all of $20 for the entire wall. Roller and brush was $10. Chalk is $1.25 a box. And the kids think it’s the most amazing thing since sliced bread and have worked as a team to keep it updated and consider new ideas.

I’m currently looking into stencils to increase the over all artistic value of it, but as you can see, with a little planning, it’s really not rocket science and the best thing is, if you don’t like something it’s a breeze to erase and start over.

 

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2014 in Divorce, Uncategorized

 

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