I live a life that is full of momentum shifts. As a freelance director I get waves of crazy busy and then periods of extreme quiet. It’s just the nature of the business. When you combine that with periods of three kids running amuck in the house and then complete silence for a few days it can really throw you for a loop.
I remember the first time my ex-wife had the kids for more than a couple of days. It was a complete shock to the system on so many levels. Emotionally, physically, mentally I was a basket case. Eventually you learn to adjust, but when your life is in a mode of stop / go / stop / go, you really have to be mentally aware and prepare yourself for the shifts.
You also have to be able to stop and enjoy the down moments rather than feel uncomfortable and uneasy. I once wrote a post about learning to ride the waves. It’s true. You really have to learn how to adjust to the ups and downs of your life and learn to appreciate both.
You’re going to have good weeks and bad ones. It’s just the nature of life in general. When you’re divorced with kids it’s even more so. And as difficult as it is for you to adjust, just think of how it is for your kids! Adjusting to two different parents and environments. Trying to keep up with changing schedules. Being passed back and forth against their free will. Be cognizant of their world and take a moment to help them adjust when they first walk in the door. Recognize that they just came from what is likely a very different atmosphere regardless of how much you co-parent. Take into consideration what they’re going through and take a moment to catch up and be with them. It’s important. Don’t just let em’ in and go back about your business. They’re likely to bring up things about your ex-spouse. Do NOT take this opportunity to pounce on any negative they may bring up. Just let’m talk, nod a lot and let them know how happy you are that they’re with you.
Divorce creates a lot of crazy momentum shifts for everyone involved. Do your best to be aware and plan ahead for the ups and downs. You really have to learn how to just roll with it from time to time. We’d all like things to go according to plan. But when you have kids that rarely happens. Throw an ex spouse into the equation and you can pretty much give up on that concept. So just be prepared for stop and go traffic. It’ll help you avoid getting whiplash and trust me, your kids will be watching to see how you adjust and will follow suit.