Is it just me or do governments at war sound an awful lot like two ten-year-olds in a dispute over who has the right to the last ice cream sandwich. One eventually punches or slaps the other and then justifies it by claiming the other one looked at them funny. Before long they’re screaming at each other, hitting, kicking, calling each other names all insisting that the other one started it with neither noticing that the ice cream sandwich has melted.
Hell no! Now they’re going to fight over whose fault it is that the ice cream sandwich melted. Somehow they’ll manage to pull everyone around them into their newly created drama with different siblings and friends choosing sides. This will eventually last for decades as they tell their own children about how their brother caused the last ice cream sandwich to melt, depriving them and their descendants of any chance at divine happiness. Centuries later it will become a religious holiday whereby they will celebrate each year by gathering around a table. Each person will then break off a piece of a stale cookie sheet symbolizing the empty shell of the ice cream sandwich.
Businesses will capitalize on the conflict creating ice cream sandwich trinkets, key chains, t-shirts and necklesses. Hallmark will create a “Merry Ice Cream Sandwich Day” card. There will be songs written, TV specials, movies, documentaries, books, poems and plays on Broadway.
Fighting will continue for generations, with each carrying the torch from their ancestors. It will eventually no longer be about the ice cream sandwich but the pride of a people and their hatred for the other side. Lactose intolerant groups will protest claiming discrimination. Dairy Queens will be bombed. Innocent people who don’t even like ice cream will die as they walk through the frozen food section at Kroger.
And it all will have been avoidable if the parents of the two kids who started this whole thing would have just sent them both to their room without ice cream for acting like brats in the first place.