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Monthly Archives: July 2014

Stop, Go, Stop, Go, Stop, Go

I live a life that is full of momentum shifts. As a freelance director I get waves of crazy busy and then periods of extreme quiet. It’s just the nature of the business. When you combine that with periods of three kids running amuck in the house and then complete silence for a few days it can really throw you for a loop.

I remember the first time my ex-wife had the kids for more than a couple of days. It was a complete shock to the system on so many levels. Emotionally, physically, mentally I was a basket case. Eventually you learn to adjust, but when your life is in a mode of stop / go / stop / go, you really have to be mentally aware and prepare yourself for theoriginal-723178-1 shifts.

You also have to be able to stop and enjoy the down moments rather than feel uncomfortable and uneasy. I once wrote a post about learning to ride the waves. It’s true. You really have to learn how to adjust to the ups and downs of your life and learn to appreciate both.

You’re going to have good weeks and bad ones. It’s just the nature of life in general. When you’re divorced with kids it’s even more so. And as difficult as it is for you to adjust, just think of how it is for your kids! Adjusting to two different parents and environments. Trying to keep up with changing schedules. Being passed back and forth against their free will. Be cognizant of their world and take a moment to help them adjust when they first walk in the door. Recognize that they just came from what is likely a very different atmosphere regardless of how much you co-parent. Take into consideration what they’re going through and take a moment to catch up and be with them. It’s important. Don’t just let em’ in and go back about your business. They’re likely to bring up things about your ex-spouse. Do NOT take this opportunity to pounce on any negative they may bring up. Just let’m talk, nod a lot and let them know how happy you are that they’re with you.

Divorce creates a lot of crazy momentum shifts for everyone involved. Do your best to be aware and plan ahead for the ups and downs. You really have to learn how to just roll with it from time to time. We’d all like things to go according to plan. But when you have kids that rarely happens. Throw an ex spouse into the equation and you can pretty much give up on that concept. So just be prepared for stop and go traffic. It’ll help you avoid getting whiplash and trust me, your kids will be watching to see how you adjust and will follow suit.

 
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Posted by on July 29, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Stop The World & Melt With You

Is it just me or do governments at war sound an awful lot like two ten-year-olds in a dispute over who has the right to the last ice cream sandwich. One eventually punches or slaps the other and then justifies it by claiming the other one looked at them funny. Before long they’re screaming at each other, hitting, kicking, calling each other names all insisting that the other one started it with neither noticing that the ice cream sandwich has melted.

With the sandwich now gone, you would assume the conflict would end. cookie2k

Hell no! Now they’re going to fight over whose fault it is that the ice cream sandwich melted. Somehow they’ll manage to pull everyone around them into their newly created drama with different siblings and friends choosing sides. This will eventually last for decades as they tell their own children about how their brother caused the last ice cream sandwich to melt, depriving them and their descendants of any chance at divine happiness. Centuries later it will become a religious holiday whereby they will celebrate each year by gathering around a table. Each person will then break off a piece of a stale cookie sheet symbolizing the empty shell of the ice cream sandwich.

Businesses will capitalize on the conflict creating ice cream sandwich trinkets, key chains, t-shirts and necklesses. Hallmark will create a “Merry Ice Cream Sandwich Day” card. There will be songs written, TV specials, movies, documentaries, books, poems and plays on Broadway.

Fighting will continue for generations, with each carrying the torch from their ancestors. It will eventually no longer be about the ice cream sandwich but the pride of a people and their hatred for the other side. Lactose intolerant groups will protest claiming discrimination. Dairy Queens will be bombed. Innocent people who don’t even like ice cream will die as they walk through the frozen food section at Kroger.

And it all will have been avoidable if the parents of the two kids who started this whole thing would have just sent them both to their room without ice cream for acting like brats in the first place.

 

 
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Posted by on July 18, 2014 in Divorce

 

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For The Love of God – Laugh!

I’m not the first person to tell you this. Nor will I be the last (hopefully).

But laugh.

Laugh like your life depended on it because it does. Search out things that make you laugh. Find people who make you laugh. Look at the absurdity that your life can tend to be sometimes and just2014-06-15 17.53.01 laugh.

Laugh with friends.

Laugh with your kids.

Laugh with your reverend.

Laugh with the mailman.

Laugh by yourself.

Laugh at yourself.

Laugh with the check out clerk at Kroger.

But laugh. And while doing so, do your best to make someone else laugh.

Stress will consume you. Worry will deplete you. Laughter will save you.

 

 
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Posted by on July 11, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Embrace The Crazy

When you’re immersed in life as a divorced parent; it’s easy to look at your world some mornings and think, “F#%$, this is some crazy $#*@!” “Why can’t my life be normal like everyone else’s?”

Well, the reality is, normal doesn’t exist and I guarantee you there is someone out there around the corner who’s $#*@ is crazier than yours.

At some point you simply have to accept, nay, “embrace” the crazy and keep on truckin’. Otherwise you’ll drive yourself and everyone around you nuts. I grew up in a house where worry and anxiety were second nature. We had a Top 10 list of “What can and probably will go wrong” with just about every event. Not really the way to go through life. Not to say I2014-05-24 15.30.54-1 didn’t have a great childhood, but I was raised to be ready to prepare for the worst rather than enjoy the best and take the worst as a necessary spice for flavor.

So today I simply sit here to remind you, yes divorced life isn’t easy. But tell me who’s life is? We all carry our own crosses. Some we build ourselves; others are handed to us. Regardless, nobody on this earth gets a free ride; I promise you. You will stress over some of the crazy. It’s natural. I wish I could tell you those moments won’t happen. But that’s not realistic. Just do your best to acknowledge and move forward because it’s those forward moments that will get you through to the good part. Getting stuck in the muck will only make it worse.

Also try to recognize when your stress is because of what you consider to be impending doom, or simply because you may be outside your comfort zone and out of your element as you make efforts to improve your life. Regardless know that it’s part of the ride, not unlike being at the top of a roller coaster. That pit in your stomach means the “fun” part is right up a head and you’ll soon be at the bottom going, “That was AWESOME! Let’s do it again!” (maybe :))

So embrace the crazy. Embrace the good. Embrace your kid. Embrace anyone willing to give you a hug when you’re having a rough day.

Keep rockin’. You’re doing great!

 

 

 
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Posted by on July 3, 2014 in anxiety

 

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