50 Things You Can’t Do When You’re The Father Of Tween Girls

10 Feb

50 Things you can’t do when you’re the father of tween daughters:

#1 Have enough hours in the day
#2 Win any argument that involves a discussion about Beyonce
#3 Be able to explain why according to Facebook you just listened to Ke$ha on Spotify
#4 Get more than three words in at the dinner table
#5 Forget what you were like when you were a tween boy
#6 Get a hug when you’re within 100 yards of school or any school event
#7 Be considered young
#8 Leave the bathroom door unlocked
#9 Their math homework
#10 Drink a beer at dinner without being asked, “how many is that dad?”
#11 Not cringe every time a story starts with a boy’s name
#12 Believe them when they tell you they watched the “clean version” of a music video on YouTube
#13 Have any recording space left on the DVR
#14 Leave any form of chocolate where it can be seen or smelled
#15 Go to the bathroom without checking first to make sure there’s toilet paper
#16 Have enough shampoo and conditioner
#17 Expect anyone to get any sleep during a sleepover
#18 Get them to come down for dinner without having to text them that it’s ready
#19 Watch any sporting event on television beginning to end
#20 Be considered cool
#21 Know where your iPhone charger is
#22 Speak about “rules of the house” without getting an eye roll
#23 Expect to find more than 1/2 a scoop of ice cream in the freezer
#24 Get a response the first time
#25 See the bathroom floor
#26 “Understand”
#27 Know whose clothes are whose when folding laundry
#28 Watch a movie on television and hear any of the important dialogue
#29 Lower the water bill
#30 Know what mood they’re going to be in when they get off the bus
#31 Get why their friends laugh when they both look at you and then at each other
#32 Make it out the door in under five minutes
#33 Understand what’s so funny about the videos on Vine
#34 Sit with them at the school basketball game they desperately wanted to go to with you
#35 “Know where the pony tail holders are”
#36 Sit down for more than ten seconds without being beckoned
#37 Sleep with your eyes closed on April fools day
#38 Afford to buy a “new arrival” at Banana Republic
#39 Be able to hear the actual artist on the car radio
#40 Have nose hair
#41 Be allowed to stand within twenty feet of them while in Abercrombie
#42 Trust tween boys
#43 Go anywhere without like totally embarrassing them
#44 Explain Bob Dylan
#45 Take life too seriously
#46 Drive by a stray dog without being told to pull over and pick it up
#47 Get the correct shade of concealer
#48 Explain life before the internet
#49 Go a week without ruining their life at least once
#50 Know what it’s like to be a tween girl

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Posted by on February 10, 2014 in Daily Life, Divorce, Uncategorized


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