There are times when I get so mad I could just spit. And no matter how much I try to acknowledge my frustration with the situation (or person), no matter how much I tell myself to just take a breath; I remain remarkably agitated and irritable. Deep down I know that in another day or so. And I know I’ll be fine and see things more clearly in a few hours. But it’s still so hard to just brush it off. Especially when you feel you’re being misrepresented.
I think part of the problem when you’re divorced is that you don’t always have a couple of key ingredients necessary for diffusing the situation. First, in all likelihood, you’re reacting to either something the kids repeated that could very well be incorrect or misquoted and your ex is not there to defend themselves. Second, in not being a part of the other person’s day to day anymore, it’s impossible to fully comprehend the full extent of your ex was experiencing at the time. You’re likely basing your anger on past experiences and allowing it to amplify itself without the ability to compare apples to apples or have a completely clear view of the full context.
So, there you sit, talking to yourself, getting steamed and most assuredly making a mountain out of what is probably a mole hill. And even if it’s not, what’s the point of getting upset? Are you going to be able to change much? Prove a point maybe? Is it even worth the energy? Probably not.
Being divorced is going to be filled with moments where you feel trapped within the confines of a relationship
that doesn’t exist. They are shadows of a relationship actually. And when you box with a shadow, you’ll never
be able to land a punch. You’ll just waste your energy chasing a floating figure. And honestly, our imaginations can REALLY embellish things when we get like this.
So take the gloves off. Find something positive to focus on and move on. Is it easy? Hell no. But it’s easier and healthier than trying to forge a battle that can’t be won. Regardless of who is right or wrong (and you may very well be wrong my friend), you will always see things differently and rarely if ever convince the other party that you’re right. You will remember the past differently, you will see each point differently, and your conscience will do everything it can to protect your ego at the other person’s expense. And let me tell you it just isn’t worth the effort. And seriously, if it were feasible to enlighten each other you probably wouldn’t be divorced in the first place.
So do yourself, your ex and your kids a favor. Let it go and put your energy toward something more productive, like mashing some potatoes for dinner.