We all talk a lot about being around people who “get” you. And what a drag it can be when you’re around people who don’t “get” you. Even when talking about your divorce, you’re more than likely to say at some point, “we just didn’t get each other.” I did that. I put the onus on the fact that we just didn’t “get” each other. But then I started to look at the bigger picture and recognized that there were a lot of people in my life who just didn’t “get” me. And so I turned to the mirror.
The truth is that we likely have traits that create the same outcome in many aspects of our lives and a broken marriage is a great opportunity to take a closer look at ourselves. The problem is, life and societal interaction is a bit more complex than that. To believe that we alone are the soul contributor to the outcome of any relationship is ignoring the fact that, for lack of a better term, “it takes two to tango.” Perhaps the reason for our discontent isn’t always in how we interact with the world, but more, what world we choose to interact WITH.
Consider for a second that the world is your local grocery store and personalities are ingredients to a recipe. Pick any two ingredients and you’re going to get a different outcome. Some will compliment each other very well; such as peanut butter and jelly. While others, like the same peanut butter with pickles, will for most anyway, leave you with a bad taste in their mouth. So it stands to reason that if peanut butter only hangs out with different pickles I would imagine he’d start to think he didn’t taste very good. But what if peanut butter started hanging out with jellies more often?
Perhaps for some reason we keep hanging out in the wrong aisle, constantly trying to team up with the wrong ingredients. In turn we constantly find ourselves trying to blend with other personalities that clash with, more than compliment our own flavor. We’re then left with the feeling that no one likes peanut butter, I mean, us. Let’s face it, pickles just don’t “get” peanut butter. But jelly sure as hell does.
As I enter my third year of divorce and forty-seventh on this earth, I’ve come to realize that as much as we need to take a good hard look at ourselves and who we are as individuals, we also need to take an equal if not deeper look at the recipes we keep trying to get mixed into. In essence we need to figure out what kind of ingredient we are and then look for a. other ingredients we’ll compliment and then b. make sure we’re served to people who have a stomach for the dish we become a part of. If you’re like me, you spent a good part of your life constantly hanging out with ingredients who were anything but the pork chop to your apple sauce.
True enough, sometimes wild combinations can work. For example, I recently had some ghost pepper jelly that was mind blowing. And there are pickles who create some serious magic with peanut butter. But for the most part, if you’re a vegetarian, there’s nothing anyone can do to a ribeye steak that will make it appealing to you. Nothing. So if you’re the steak, you’ll probably find yourself feeling more appreciated if you start hanging out with steak lovers instead of vegans.
I truly do believe we need to know who we are as ingredients. We also need to recognize that not everyone is going to have a taste for what we bring to the table. And that’s OK. Just know who you are. Be happy with who you are and then find other ingredients who “get” you and appreciate you. Hopefully in doing so, you’ll have a better chance of people asking for seconds rather than throwing you in the garbage.