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Monthly Archives: July 2013

Go Jump In The Lake!

This world, has a way of making even the most optimistic person a cynic. By the time you’re 30 or 35 you’ve been beaten down enough times and have read enough stories about corruption within government, scandals within churches of every denomination, people going crazy on their spouses, backstabbing best friends, as well as war throughout the planet over century long disagreements that honestly, nobody can truly remember how they started. Everyday we see people arguing on facebook, posting hateful comments on CNN.com and negativity-274x300spoiled twenty something year old athletes with the world at their fingertips throwing it all away with a stupid decision at 2 a.m. at a local strip club.

There are indeed some angry people in the world and all too often we are reminded of how selfish and cold people can be. When you live through a divorce you feel the full weight of this negativity and find it difficult not to take a lot of it personally. In short it’s very easy to start to believe the world is a horrible place filled with negativity and people all out to get you. We quickly begin to build a fortress around our world, our family and our hearts allowing the negativity to build within ourselves as well.

Enter the child; convinced the world is there to help them and that there is truly a chance the deal on e-bay offering a 32gb, 5th gen i-pod touch for $15.00 is legit and a chance to score a bargain. Positive that they themselves can change the world with a glue-gun, a pitcher of lemonade and a pair of sunglasses.

I can’t tell you how many times in the past several years my daughter has come to me with a crazy idea that I initially squashed without thinking because “I’ve already been there and it doesn’t work.” Imagine using our own defeats as a means of telling a kid why they can’t achieve something rather than look at it as a “well here’s what I did and it didn’t work … how can we approach it differently this time?” Thanks to her persistence she has all too often proven me wrong. But all too often I’ve gotten more annoyed by her ‘pushing’ than impressed by her “insistence that it can be done.”

My kids don’t quit. When they want something bad enough, hell or high water, they’re going to make it happen. That was me thirty years ago. Long before life and the world wore down my edge. And my kids achieve just as
solar-energy-solar-energy-for-kids3I did. As we get older it’s so easy to just say, “can’t be done” or “what’s the point?” And yet I’m seeing through the eyes of my children how important it is to not give up. To just blatantly defy the universe and pursue a dream with all of the fervor of a three year old determined to find a way to get the cookie off of the top of the refrigerator.

How many times this week have you given up on something by talking yourself out of the possibilities? How many times did your experiences over the past few decades cause you to just turn around and go lay down on the couch and mope? How many? Can you fit them on your fingers? Have you forgotten how to trust life, the cosmos and the people around you?

The world can suck sometimes. But rather than teach our children to be cynics and to doubt the possibilities, perhaps it’s time we start to learn from our children as they remind us of what happens when you believe that anything is possible. Their energy, their passion, their desire can be infectious if we take a moment to turn off the noise in our heads and listen to the clearness of their reasoning that we all too often brush off as ignorant bliss.

The world needs us to fight the negativity and hatred. It needs us to focus on the positive and to believe that we can achieve anything we put our minds too. It needs us to spread a smile and a can do attitude. The universe is desperate for people to demonstrate how much fun and refreshing life can be if we’ll just get off our ass, screw how cold the water is, run off the dock and go jump in the lake. And sitting right next to you is a child that can fuel that energy if we’ll take the time to plug into it rather than turn it off.

 
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Posted by on July 26, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

One Giant Leap For Divorced Mankind

I think, just as either you or your spouse did when this whole thing started, you realize at some point something needs to change. There’s a little “ding” that goes off in your head that tells you; this isn’t working and it’s time to move on. I think for a lot of people the frustration sets in when they can’t decide what that means or what direction to go.

After a divorce, your first item of business is to survive. Your entire focus is adjusting to the new reality and overcoming the fear that your world is going to completely crumble. This is especially true if yours was a twoUnknown-1 income household which is suddenly down to one. Your mind is consumed with how this is going to work. When will you see the kids? Who pays for what? How do I juggle work and childcare? Can I afford it? Is it going to be a daily battle? All of it can scare the crap out of the strongest and most secure individual.

Through the ups and downs of the ensuing months, you find an offbeat rhythm and find yourself kind of making it work. But it still feels uneasy. Your first thought is, it’s time to move on and build a new life. And as anxious as you may be to create this new utopia, walking away from a marriage and attempting to start over is easier said than done; both physically and mentally. And everyone sees it but you.

Eventually, at some point, you wake up and realize you’re in divorce purgatory. You’re no longer married but you haven’t quite rebuilt your life either. You’re sustaining yourself, but not really progressing the way you had been prior to the divorce. You’re kind of stuck somewhere in the middle trying to figure out what’s next and how
do you get to a place that feels like you’re living again. You may even be sitting there wondering, “Is this it? Is this what my life will be from now on?”

Well, you can look at it that way. But to me that’s a sign that you’ve reached a new plateau. Your mind has wrapped its head around the situation and you’ve come to terms with some things that had been difficult to let
images-5go of. Perhaps it was guilt or aspects of your relationship that you were holding on to. In all likelihood you’re ready to move forward, albeit with a very small well thought out step.

I think what you have to decide now is, where do you want to go? As much as you may feel held down by the baggage you now bring to the table, the truth is you’re probably freer than you’ve been in years. You’re making choices and decisions you haven’t had the prviledge of making on your own. Whether the courts decided your time with the kids or you and your ex did; at some point your children will have a choice. The foundation you create today really is up to you. How you move forward is truly your decision, although it may not always feel that way. You can look as things as either a tether or as a blessing. It’s really up to you. Embrace your relationship with your children and ALWAYS put them first. Nothing else matters. I truly believe that. Just remember, there is a balance. You have to have faith in the cosmos. When you have to let go, let go. Just remind your kids how much you love them and how much you love it when they’re with you.

I was once told by a very insightful lady that we attract in life what we truly believe we deserve. At some point you’re going to recognize you deserve better. You’re going to recognize you have more going for you than you realize. You’re going to realize that what you’re managing is awe inspiring. When you reach that plateau and find that inner strength, you’re going to find it much easier to let go of the past and move forward. When you hit that point you’re going to want it all to happen tomorrow. But give it time. Trust it; and yourself. A divorce has a way of forcing you to man up. And once you find that strength my gut says you’re going to find it in you to take that first big step toward building a new and much better life for yourself AND your family.

Peace!

 

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