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Monthly Archives: June 2013

Walk A Mile In My Shoes

As a runner I often see parallels between the sport and life. This weekend I recognized another one that I believe is relevant to any single parent, dad OR mom.
Walking to Improve Running460

I used to loath walking during a run. Felt like I was quitting. For me if I didn’t run the complete four miles I was wimping out. To walk was not pushing hard enough. I’ve always been like that in life too. Constantly going and feeling guilty if I stopped to relax and enjoy myself for a moment. I recently read a book about introverts and extraverts and how introverts have periods where they simply need to leave the “party” and recharge. Thirty minutes in another room where it’s quiet and they’re alone. While I’ve always considered myself to be an extravert I believe on some level we all need to recharge from time to time and simply shut out the world. Especially when you have kids running around the house. Trying to keep up the pace of juggling work, the kids and the house can be grueling. It’s something you need to literally train for and sometimes, we need to walk.

And that’s OK.

When training on the pavement, and attempting to teach our bodies and minds to go farther we need to catch our breath from time to time. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. If all we do is go hard at it for 3 ss_1miles EVERY time then that’s as far as we’ll ever be able to go. Kids push us to get back up and start running again whether we’re ready or not. So we learn to walk once in a while in between the longer stretches. Can you imagine doing what you’re capable of today three years ago? I remember when we had our third child. One day we only had one of them when two of them were at their great grandmother’s. We realized how easy just one was. But there was a time when “just one” was more than enough.

So this weekend, in an effort to go a little farther, I allowed myself to walk during my run. And you know what? I ended up going twice as far.

As a single parent, I think it’s OK to walk once in a while and recharge. In fact, it’s necessary if you have any chance of learning how to make it through the entire marathon. The secret is to just keep moving forward.

Peace!

 
 
 
 
 

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Happy Father’s Day

A simple post for a simple thought today.

Today celebrate the fact that no matter what your situation; whether you see your kids every day, every weekend, once a month or even if you haven’t seen them in a longer span. You are and always will be their dad. No one can ever take that from you or them.

We as divorced dads are sometimes buried in the now. We only see what’s directly in front of us because we’re so consumed with the pressures that our situation has thrust upon us. But at some point our children will have a choice. They’ll be able to come to you whenever they want. images-1

Hopefully you’re making choices today that will create the kind of relationship they want to be a part of years from now. So I say to you; love them, adore them and cherish them. They’ll know it and they’ll love you for it.

Today isn’t just about crazy ties, crayon drawn cards or long distance phone calls. Today is about reminding ourselves that we have an undeniable connection with our children. You are their dad. The only one they have. They need to have that connection with you and need to feel that you want them in your life. Remind them of how much you love them, miss them, care about them and what rock stars you think they are.

Honestly, every day is father’s day. But today know in your heart that you’re a dad. No matter what.

 

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Shadow Of A Doubt

So, you’re struggling of late are you?

Is it the finances? Summer vacation and child care needs? Is it your relationship with your ex? A combination of all of them? Maybe you’re just feeling overwhelmed.

I always promised myself that I would use this blog as a means of promoting positives and encouraging you to find the strength to make it through today because tomorrow will be better. The truth is, sometimes that’s easier said than done simply because, just like you, I struggle from time to time. There are weeks when it all
plato feels like it’s crashing down on me. The air conditioning breaks down, the house needs repair, the hot water tank … tanks, cash flow lightens, there’s an unexpected injury or illness which means unbudgeted doctor bills. Some days it feels like life is simply going through a check list and picking hurdles to throw at you. And it all can appear to cast a huge shadow on an otherwise sunny day.

Fast forward to last night when my daughter noticed a bug on the light in the middle of our living room. She said, “Dad, look at the huge shadow that little bug is making on the ceiling.” As if channeling Plato (read about the Allegory of the Cave) my daughter made an amazingly well timed point. I quickly related her revelation to some of the small stuff I’d been sweating. How big the shadow of the smallest of problems can appear to be. Have you ever noticed how the shadow of a small doll can appear to be a huge monster on the wall and ceiling? Perhaps some of our problems aren’t any different than the tiny bug or small doll. Their shadows can be huge and lead us to believe they’re bigger than they really are.

That’s not to say that some problems that come up like an unexpected repair bill don’t hurt. Or that a trip to the emergency room doesn’t have the potential to become a huge challenge. The point is, our lives will have plenty shadowhands_3of larger issues that are going to ding us up from time to time. The trick is to recognize when what we perceive to be a number of enormous problems are really nothing more than large shadows of doubt created by smaller problems that are easily tackled and overcome.

Eventually a gnat can become a huge pest, but an easy one to eliminate.  So if you’re struggling today, as I often do from time to time, take a deep breathe and do what you can to relax and focus on a few positives. Then do your best to see if some of the large shadows that are looming over head are nothing more than smaller issues that are simply appearing larger as they’re being projected on the ceiling in your head. Hopefully that will give you the energy to go after some of the legitimately bigger issues darkening the skies in your universe. Because those are the ones that need every ounce of strength you have. Wasting it on gnats accomplishes nothing but draining you of your spirit. No doubt about it.

 
 

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