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Spring Mental Cleaning

06 Apr

How do you do it? I’m relatively new at this game having been officially divorced for only about 8 months. And I can’t help but look at people who have done this and sometimes wonder, HOW in the world do you manage to survive?

Now, I’ll admit, I’ve made some mistakes these past few months and have been thrown several curve balls that haven’t helped matters, but I can’t help but think that this wasn’t a cakewalk for anyone who’s divorced with kids. The sheer volume of additional responsibilities thrust upon you after a separation is mind blowing. I’m not complaining mind you. I’m doing my best and somehow have gotten this far. But I woke up the other day and realized that in many areas, I’ve fallen backward rather than moved forward in terms of where my life is. I’ve dug some fairly deep holes which seemed like good ideas at the time, but are now making survival all that more strenuous. Trying to be all things to all people has caught up with me a bit and I’m finding myself desperately trying to regroup.

And what brings me peace? Of all things it’s cleaning the house. If I can have the house in order I feel like my foundation is set and I can build from there. If the house is in disarray … then I feel completely disheveled, lost, frustrated and overwhelmed. Maybe it’s because in my head then I feel like I’m falling behind in all aspects of my life. But as soon as I fold and put away a load of laundry, make the beds, put things away, clean the floors and get rid of clutter, suddenly I feel ready to tackle another one of life’s challenges.

I’m sure my ex-wife would fall over hearing that. But it’s true and I think on some level I have a new appreciation for some of her tirades about picking up after ourselves or putting things away when we were done with them. I mean, I got it before, but now I understand more of the root of those emotions. It’s not just about having an orderly house, it’s about having an orderly life. Something I wish I’d recognized in my 20’s.

And to those of you who have managed to survive to this point. I tip my hat. No one can fully appreciate what this is like, nor can anyone entering into this have any sort of knowledge of what’s coming. I just hope and pray there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Because I won’t lie. There are day’s I’m not so sure.

Well, my desktop is currently full of crap and it’s driving me crazy. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to wrap up this entry and start purging.

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