So … I’m sitting here reflecting on the past year. April 1st it will officially be one year since my wife and I separated. Although our divorce wasn’t final until August, our worlds changed when we decided to go our separate ways.
If I had to sum up divorce in one word, I think it would be “humbling.” I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a period of my life that was more draining on so many levels. Emotionally, financially, mentally; it has truly pushed me to the edge on multiple occasions. While I’ve discovered new inner strengths and have grown to appreciate what I’m truly capable of, more importantly, I’ve discovered how much was wrong with my approach to life and to those around me.
It would be easy for me to sit here and point my finger at the world and those who hurt me. But looking back, I recognize that I could have approached so many things better. I could have handled so many situations better. I could have appreciated certain things and certain people so much more. The sad thing is it took my world blowing up for me to fully appreciate these truths. It took being pushed to the brink of disaster for me to take a good hard look at myself and embrace the fact that it all starts with me.
I still have a long way to go. And lord knows I’m far from being out of the woods. Yet, I can’t help but feel like I’ve reached a new level of spirituality through the process. I have so much more to learn, so much more growing up to do. But if I learned anything this past year, it’s that change can be good as long as we embrace it and accept that perhaps there is a better reality for us to engage in. All too often we know what needs to happen but stay put out of fear of what might happen. We get complacent. We get stuck. Sometimes it takes a good jolt for us to take a good hard look in the mirror every day and try to be honest with ourselves about how we ended up where we are.
Tomorrow’s coming and it’s up to me to right the ship. And I will. My goal is to not look back with regret, but to move forward and carry my baggage with pride. Because within those bags are a lifetime of lessons to pull from, not the least of which is the past year.