With the holidays past us and life starting fall back into a normal pattern, I had a revelation.
I noticed a lack of energy on my part the past couple of weeks. This included a lack of enthusiasm for aspects of my life that normally had me up early and ready to roll. I attributed it to a lack of sleep and recovering from the stress of the holidays. But then it dawned on me.
During the holidays my relationship with my ex-wife began to enter into a new phase. It was a new acceptance and realization that we were starting to drift apart and head in different directions both physically and emotionally. Where as thoughts of “maybe there’s still a chance for us,” or “perhaps we’ll get a second chance” had filled my head from time to time, the reality that this was more than likely more definitive in nature began to sink in. Because of that I believe a mild case of depression began to set in as it started to hit home that my marriage was over.
I had been so busy the months leading up to the divorce that I hadn’t really given myself a chance to acknowledge the grand scope of my new landscape. My ex and I had done so many things together that we, in many ways, were still acting as a couple. I enjoyed certain aspects of that, but now as the new year is taking shape and my life is moving forward I’m beginning to realize that this emptiness I’ve felt is not going to go away. That chapter of my life is over and it’s time to begin building a new foundation and accept that it’s o.k. to move on.
My hope is that we’ll continue to do some things together with the kids and provide them with that assurance that we’re both working together to provide them everything they need in life both monetarily and emotionally. But as I’ve been told by many people, boundaries are good and will continue to evolve as we move forward.
I’m thankful again that I have surrounded myself with people who are full of positive encouragement and forcing me to share. One person in particular who I’ve dubbed my spiritual guide, insisted that I not walk this journey alone. That just as a coach will keep you on task and make sure you stay focused on your training, it’s important to have people around you who stay with you to remind you of all of the positives in your life. I’m beginning to appreciate the true value of that advice as I continue to work my way through the bumps and hurdles of this new existence.
It’s easy to shut the world out believing that you have to come to terms with some things on your own. And there’s truth to that. But I’m finding it’s too easy to slip into a reverberating track of negativity unless we have people by our side to recognize those moments and help keep us on a positive path.
Tomorrow is coming. We really have no choice in that matter. But one thing we do have a choice in is how we approach it and how we embrace it. Life is too short to continually beat ourselves up over what happened. Our children are watching to see how we’ll address this new phase of our existence. So it’s up to us to wake up with a fresh attitude and show them that it’s o.k. to reflect and grieve, but at some point we have to move on give our soul a chance to heel properly.