There’s nothing like a minor fender bender to remind us that in an instant, bad things can happen. We’re going about our merry way, and then at the most inconvenient times, we’re forced to stop our lives and deal with something completely unexpected. In some cases it can be life altering.
My family has experienced several of these events of late, some of which have caused their fare share of stress. My mother, who’s 87, took a bad spill and injured her neck. The event will alter the very existence of both my parents as both she and my father (92) will have to face the reality that they are unable to fully and properly take care of themselves without risk of further injury.
Each of these events are stark reminders that our lives are not immune from negatives. Some greater than others. Some of these events force us to adjust our daily lives often without our consent. We are reminded time and time again how little control we actually have at times and when faced with these issues it can be a remarkably difficult pill to swallow.
Watching my father have his very existence altered to the point of losing control of just about every aspect of his daily life is difficult to watch. He was an entrepreneur, accustomed to being the man in charge. The past several years, bit by bit, he’s come face to face with mother nature who has taken a little more of his control away each year. As difficult as that’s been to witness, watching how he handles it at times can be even more difficult. Watching him fight it tooth and nail, has at times only made it more stressful. It’s understandable, but the more we fight change, quite often we deprive ourselves of potential happiness, dwelling on the negatives we’ve been faced with.
Which brings me to the point of this particular post: acceptance. We can fight these events and live in denial. We can do everything in our power to ignore them or attempt to erase them. But as difficult as it is, sometimes the best thing we can do is accept them and do our best to adjust accordingly.
Divorce very likely caught you by surprise. In the instant that the word divorced came to define your future, everything changed. You most likely fought it and may very well still be fighting it. We can allow our anger to dictate how we move forward. As with my fender bender, I was pretty shaken. It took a while for me to get my whits about me again. And even then, reflecting on it is difficult at times as I attempt to go back in my head and change to course of those few seconds. But I can’t change them. They are now a part of my history as is my divorce. Unlike my Jeep, I can’t replace the dinged up parts of my marriage. I simply have to lick my wounds and let them heal as best they can. Basically, I can either accept this reality and make the best of it or I can attempt to prove something by fighting it.
But honestly, if I’ve learned anything these past few years, it’s that there is an art to moving forward. And frankly, standing your ground leaves you doing just that. Standing without making any forward progress.