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Tag Archives: pacing yourself

Losing My Mind (and my keys)

21 Feb

I don’t know about you, but there are days when I’m convinced my sometimes over booked life is turning me into a complete idiot. There are days when it feels like I spend more time retracing my steps in order to remember where I left my pants than I do accomplishing my to do list. We all misplace our keys from time to time but honestly, I don’t know how many times this week I’ve stopped and called myself all kinds of names
memory36969112_crop out of frustration.

I’m proud of what I accomplish every week. It’s a lot. I consider myself incredibly productive. But man, sometimes I just stop and wonder what’s going on inside my brain. I had always had a history of laying things down in odd places and then completely forgetting. I learned over time how to stop, retrace my steps and then figure it out. And for the most part I’ve done a great job of doing it. But then there are times when I actually walk into the kitchen and completely forget why I was going there.

Does this happen to you? Do you forget things?

I remember driving to work one morning. I had just gotten off the phone with my mom and started thinking about the upcoming weekend and everything that had to get done. There were a couple of softball games, a birthday party, a project that needed some extra attention, yard work that needed to get done. Started thinking about an upcoming trip with the kids and then suddenly I realized I’d completely driven past my exit and was heading toward what was an old job I’d had seven years ago.

Stop right now, close your eyes and ask yourself what color socks you have on. Do you know? I’m telling you, our lives as single parents can really put a strain on our ability to keep up with everything. So it’s no wonder we drive off with our coffee mug on top of our car from time to time or go through seven to eight names including the dog’s before calling our kid the right one.

I would love to offer you a cure all. Like, have a place you keep your keys, wallet, phone etc. Put things you’re
DMLgroup.jpggoing need in the morning where you can find them the night before. Do crossword puzzles to exercise your brain. But honestly, I think there are just going to be days (sometimes several in a row), when you’re going to have to be aware of everything going on and give yourself a moment to stop, think and be cognizant of what you’re doing or where you’re putting something down.

It’s so easy to get so lost in our schedules and the hustle bustle of our days that we completely forget ourselves and what we’re doing. I’ve literally put dishwashing detergent in the refrigerator and have gotten out of the shower only to realize I never rinsed my hair. It’s easy to start thinking you have a brain tumor or alzheimer’s. My guess is I just overload myself from time to time and most of what I’ve read assures me that everything I’m experiencing is completely normal for a 40 something with three kids and four jobs. A lot of recent studies also show that stress is a major contributor to memory loss. And Lord knows, if you’re going through a divorce or trying to get back on track, stress just comes with the territory.

So, my only advise is to first stop every once in a while and give yourself a moment. I’ve found exercise helps on many levels. And make a point to try and recognize when you’re in a state of confusion and make an extra effort to be aware of what you’re doing. Slow your brain down a bit and try to focus. Lord knows I tell my kids to do it enough times every day. This is one instance where practicing what I preach can really come in handy.

So anyway … I’m sorry; what were we talking about?

 
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Posted by on February 21, 2013 in awareness, Behavior, clutter, Daily Life, dealing with stress, depression, Divorce, emotional clutter, full schedule, health, memory loss, mental stability, mental wellness, morning routine, patience, planning ahead, stress

 

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Different Paths

01 Nov

Another title for this post could have been “Growing Pains” and I hope you take what’s being said as a positive as it relates to personal growth. Growing pains can hurt, but they’re typically a sign that you’re making progress. It’s true when your body is growing and it’s equally relevant when embarking on a new direction in your life. Let’s look at your divorce as an example. You’ve worked hard to maintain a positive relationship with your ex. Despite some bumps in the road, for the most part you’ve both been able to see past it and have worked relatively well together. My hunch is, that there are good weeks and bad weeks. I mean let’s face it; if you were able to work that well together consistently, you’d probably still be married. But you’re not. A truth that over time will likely build distance between the two of you despite your best attempts to continue parenting as a tandem.

Sometimes one of you just needs time to digest recent events that may have rubbed you or your ex the wrong way. Sometimes life simply pulls you in another direction. I think it’s an illusion to believe that every attempt to work closely on schedules, events and parenting issues is going to go smoothly. It didn’t happen when you were married, no reason to believe it’s magically going to start happening now that you’re divorced no matter how good you get at compromise.

As your life takes you in new directions, it’s also likely that your confidence, both in being a dad and the choices you make as a parent, is going to grow. You’ll start to find your own groove and get accustomed to making decisions about things that in the past were made as a team. You’ll start to get more comfortable with doing things without consult and realize that, while many issues will always require a discussion or notification, not all roads have to go through your ex when it comes to parenting. And to an extent that’s fine. Just don’t get cocky about it.

There are going to be moments when it sinks in a little deeper that you’re no longer a couple. Part of the purpose of working closely with your ex is to help maintain that sense of family that is so important to the kids. But from time to time, things are going to happen that will remind everyone that you’re not. And it’s going to suck. It’s not necessarily the end of the world, but reality has a nasty way of slapping us in the face from time to time. So just be aware. Recognize that you’re not going to be thrilled with every decision your ex makes when it comes to the kids. Conversely, you’re going to make choices that are going to piss off your ex.

When that happens, stop for a moment and consider, even if for just a moment, if you’ve gone too far or if the decision you’ve made is actually quite reasonable. Is your ex over reacting and making assumptions? Are you? It’s easy to presume that one deliberately did something in an attempt to undermine the other. Typically that’s not the case and all you can do is reassure the other person of the truth and then it’s up to them to take your word for it or not. Still, when you work closely with an ex-spouse, sometimes it’s difficult to recognize the boundaries between still being a family unit and being a divorced couple.

I made an agreement with my ex-wife that we would try to include each other in a lot of things like holidays, birthdays, extra curricular activities, school events etc. And so far it’s gone pretty well. We’ve even had each other over for dinner from time to time. But sometimes, I think it’s natural for it to feel a little too close. There comes a point where in some respects, you’re going to want that space. Especially as you start to feel more at ease with being a single parent.

When that happens, I think you should embrace it as it means your’e growing. But I also believe, it’s worth considering the other side of the coin. I’m not saying you should necessarily change your course every time, since there comes a point when your life and the decisions you make are going to be more and more your own. Just remember the shoe will likely be on the other foot at some point and be prepared for the fact that once you start to take those steps there is another person who will likely take some of their own. And it’s going to hurt when they do. Just as it did for them when you found your own stride. And it’ll be up to you to acknowledge and not make it an excuse to get angry. It won’t always be an easy decision, but it’s an important one.

There are going to be struggles for both of you as time passes and lives take their own turns. It’s all about navigating those ebbs and flows and remembering that it’s a two way street and that from time to time, it’s going to hurt. Just promise yourself that you’re going to do whatever you can to ensure that you’re the one who’s going to be feeling the burn, not your kids.

 
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Posted by on November 1, 2012 in beginnings, Behavior, Daily Life, Divorce, emotional clutter, emotions, family time, holidays, hurdles, new beginnings, pacing yourself, patience, Scheduling, Staying Positive, Support, time management, Uncategorized

 

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Oh CRAP!

21 Oct

Life is like house training a dog. Just when you start to get comfortable with the situation and are convinced your hard work has paid off, you find an undetected new pile of crap you have to deal with. The trick is learning how to deal with that revelation as it means you’re not quite as far along as you thought and still have some work to do.

I had reached a point where I was getting pretty good at accepting those little set backs. Then a few weeks ago I noticed myself slipping back into my old habits of letting the little piles irritate, well, the crap out of me. I was getting edgy again and found myself feeling overwhelmed and having a difficult time getting out of my funk. I was getting mad over stupid things like my football team losing, not finding my keys, and yes, our new dog taking a dump in my office. I was also getting irritated with my ex over things that really weren’t relevant or that important.

Early on, when I first started this blog, I wrote about being aware and how that’s the first step toward reaching new levels of peace and personal growth. I still believe that and put myself in time out one evening to think about what was going on and why I was so irritable. So I sat back and tried to assess the changes that had taken place and recognized that although I’d made tremendous strides the past several months regaining control of my life; I had ignored some fundamental truths about myself that needed to be readdressed. Biggest one on the list?; I had stopped running and getting exercise. I’ve written multiple times about the importance of giving yourself that hour and the difference sweating and physically pushing yourself can have on your mental state. Yet, somehow I’d managed to ignore my own advice and had allowed a busy schedule to get in the way of maintaining that balance I’d come to rely on.

The other thing I’d manage to do is forget to being ok with saying “no” once in a while. I was putting pressure on myself to make everyone happy and it was taking its toll. Especially since professionally I was increasingly busy, which was a good thing. The problem was, I was also trying to be the perfect dad, friend, neighbor, blogger, brother, son, dog owner etc. And in doing so, I not only ignored my own needs, but I also overextended myself which inevitably led to far too many situations where I felt like I was constantly catching up. And as you well know, when you spend an entire week or even month continually five to ten minutes behind, ultimately you’re going to get warn out both physically and mentally. It honestly felt like there was no time to sit, no time to breathe and no time to recharge and though I consider myself an extrovert, my inner introvert was failing fast. I was ignoring a fundamental truth; we ALL need a chance to recharge.

The problem with all of this is that by trying to be all things to all people, no one gets what they need. And that only leads to more rushing and anxiety as you feel even more overwhelmed and guilt ridden. And of course, being a guy, the last thing I was going to do was ask for help.

So I stopped. I knew I wasn’t being myself and the person I’d worked so hard to grow into. Life kind of helped as baseball / softball season ended which freed up no fewer than 4-5 nights a week. I also asked my ex for some help with the kids so I could focus on some extra projects that had come in. I made a point of forcing myself to go to bed at a decent hour. And I started running again. Even if it was only two miles on the treadmill, I was giving myself a chance to clear my head again. Within 48 hours I noticed a difference. I became more focused in whatever I was doing. I regained my composure and felt less panicked. I started finding myself on time, on target and on task.

The funny thing is, I actually have more on my plate now than I did even two weeks ago. And yet, I don’t feel nearly as far behind on things. Sometimes it’s just our perspective. I honestly believe that rest and exercise can really be under appreciated. Working out helped clear my head and helped me sleep better and sleeping better had a profound affect on my mood and ability handle the heavy load. Just stopping periodically gave me a sense of control. Especially when I realized the sky wasn’t going to fall, the sun was still going to rise and people would find a way to continue without me from time to time.

The reality is, you’re constantly going to find surprise loads of crap from time to time. It’s jut how it is. The world is constantly going to drop little turds when you least expect it and what matters is how you decide to handle life’s little presents. You can either allow them to irritate the bejesus out of you or you can scoop em’ up, toss em, light a candle (or incense) and move on with your life. It’s really up to you. The point is to be aware when those little things are causing you to sweat and give yourself a chance to regroup.

Oh, the dog is doing much better by the way. Like me, she’s adjusting and learning. She’s also a great running partner.

 
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Posted by on October 21, 2012 in alone time, awareness, Behavior, Daily Life, Divorce, emotional clutter, Exercise, hurdles, journey, mental stability, pacing yourself, physical activity, positives, reassurance, run for your life, sleep, taking a break, Uncategorized

 

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If You Think You Are Beaten

01 Oct

I graduated from college in 1988 from the State University of New York @ Fredonia. Despite a successful four years and a pretty fair grade point average, a freshman biology class I’d put off until my last semester had me waiting until two hours before the ceremony to find out if I’d actually earned my diploma. With fingers crossed I called my professor who informed me I made the grade. He sounded a tad less thrilled than I did and before I could thank him, he’d hung up. Loved that guy.

With diploma in hand, my parents and I made our way to my eldest sister’s home where a slew of aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, sisters, nephews, niece (only had one at the time) and a few strangers who just “showed up” all took part in quite the festive celebration. 

It was your typical graduation party and as hoped, I received my share of gifts that afternoon. But there was one in particular that stood out from the rest. One that would find its way through every move I made, every part of the country I lived in and on every wall that saw me faced with challenges. I’m actually looking at it as I write this blog entry.

I found it while rummaging through some boxes I’d packed after leaving my last “office gig.” It was given to me by my Aunt Sophie an amazing woman. A Franciscan nun who spent her life opening up schools and educating the masses, Aunt Sophie was indeed a saint. Mind you, I’m not an overtly religious man, but five minutes with her and you recognized that you were one “linked in” connection from heaven. There was a sense of calm about her right up until the day she passed earlier this past year. How odd I should find this treasure at a time when I find myself in transition, often questioning myself and my ability to overcome adversity.

As I unwrapped her gift that day, I found these words in front of me, inscribed on a simple plaque:

If you think you are beaten, you are
If you think you dare not, you don’t
Success begins with your own will
It’s all in your state of mind
Life’s battles are not always won
By those who are stronger or faster;
Sooner or later the person who wins
Is the person who thinks … he can

God Bless you Aunt Sophie and thank you. Good to know there are angels watching out for us, I’ll pass this along to some friends of mine who could use some words of encouragement.

 
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Posted by on October 1, 2012 in Daily Life, dealing with stress, depression, emotional clutter, mental stability, mental wellness, reassurance, Staying Positive, Support

 

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“Whoa There Partner!!”

13 Aug

So you’ve worked hard since your divorce to pick yourself up and face the world again. You’ve transformed your mindset, taken the high road and grown in so many positive ways. Your outlook has been better, you’re happier, calmer, more content and more at ease. It wasn’t easy, but you managed to see the world from a new perspective and met every challenge head on. You’ve battled negativity and overcome hurdles you never thought you’d ever manage to conquer. You’re approaching anxiety calmly and with a cool head. You’ve remained unrattled even in the most chaotic scenarios. You feel like a new person and you’re convinced you’re on your way to a happier healthier life.

Then this morning you woke up angry, short tempered, frustrated and convinced it’s all falling to pieces. What the hell happened? How is it possible? Where’d the new you go? Now you’re mad at yourself for being mad. And so it reverberates.

But here’s the difference. You’re aware of it. You’ve noticed it. That didn’t happen in the past. The mere fact that you’re recognizing the difference is huge. It’s a new level of consciousness and one that will allow you to weather this emotional storm.

Consider the pace you’ve been going. You’ve accomplished things you’ve never dreamed possible. But you’re only human and at some point your mind and body are going to say, “whoaaa there partner.” It’s inevitable that your system will eventually shut down and require a recharge. If you’re like me, when you’re flying and are forced to stop for a moment, it can be frustrating. You feel momentum and don’t want to stop. But some times we need to pull over and allow our systems to recuperate.

I’ve never been one to believe in the affects of chemical imbalances. But I’ll tell you, my mind is shifting. When you are constantly doing an introspection, considering every aspect of your being and what’s changing day to day, it’s easy to see that something as simple as increasing your intake of water can have a huge affect on your mind and body. Don’t laugh. Try drinking 3 cups of coffee a day for six months and then cutting yourself off. Tell me your body doesn’t reject the idea.

So, you’ve hit a snag. Don’t panic. Give yourself a chance to regroup. Take a few days to give your mind a reprise. Take care of yourself. Workout, drink plenty of water, let the phone go to voice mail, shut off the computer and if you can, spend some time focused completely on the kids. See if in a week or so you don’t feel a difference. I once wrote about life coming and going in waves. Just consider this to be one of those waves you need to ride out. Look for things that may be causing those waves and address them; calmly and thoughtfully. You’ll feel better about yourself again and find yourself headed for calmer waters.

As I’ve said in the past, there really is no finish line. Congratulate yourself on reaching this new plateau of self awareness. To be at a point that you can recognize a shift in your approach is a big deal. It means you’ve probably come farther than you even recognized. So stop, take a deep breathe and just contemplate the amazing things that lie ahead as you continue to grow and move forward.

Peace!

- Side note: As you know. I’m not a therapist. I don’t have a degree in psychology. I only know what I’ve experienced first hand and share it with you in hopes that it may help you through what can be a difficult transition. If you find yourself continuing to have bouts of anger, frustration or depression over long stretches I would strongly urge you to seek the help of someone who is more equipped to get to what could be a deeper root. Meanwhile, give yourself a break. Recognize that you’re human and need to stop from time to time and recharge. This is not a journey to be taken alone. You owe it to yourself to fInd a friend or if you feel it’s necessary, a professional to talk to. 

 
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Posted by on August 13, 2012 in achievements, alone time, awareness, Behavior, Daily Life, dealing with stress, depression, Divorce, emotional clutter, Exercise, love, mental stability, mental wellness, new beginnings, pacing yourself, patience, reassurance, state of mind, Uncategorized

 

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“Just One More Son!”

02 Aug

Do you truly know your limits? Do you honestly have a good grasp of what you’re capable of? I often ask myself these questions when I’m on the verge of complete meltdowns. When I’m on the brink of a complete mental and emotional collapse and my head is in my hands and tears are welling up as I hear myself thinking, “I can’t take anymore.”

Yet somehow the sun rises the next day and issues eventually resolve themselves. It may take them longer than we’d like them too, but somewhere, out of pure necessity, we find the ability to fight on. But you and I know it doesn’t feel that way when we’re in the midst of battle. My father used to drive me crazy when I’d work on projects with him. “Just one more son!” he’d say at least 45 times. “Just one more” was never “just one more.” And yet those extra 44 one more’s made the final result 44 times better.

Life does that to you. “Just one more son.” And it typically happens when you don’t really have “one more” in you. And yet you find it. How does that happen? I really don’t think we fully appreciate what we’re capable of until life forces you to find out. When we “think” we don’t have anything left in the tank, yet have no choice but to squeeze out one last drop to get us to the next plateau. (I say plateau because there really is no finish line).

So what is your limit? Do you know? Do you? Are you aware of just how much you can handle on any given day? Are you aware of how strong you are? Do you truly appreciate just how much more you have in you that you haven’t tapped yet? It may not feel like it some days, but you likely have more in you than you realize. You’re likely capable of handling even more than you believe.

Divorce has a way of making a person grow up real fast. When it’s all on your shoulders and that little face is looking up at you for guidance and reassurance that everything is going to be alright. Suddenly you find a new source of energy and motivation. I’ve heard it said that the Lord only gives you that which he knows you can handle. I’m not an overtly religious man. But I do know that life dishes out a lot. And it’s up to us to decide if we’re up for the challenge. And I’m here to tell you point blank, you’re up for it. You can do it. May not always feel like it, but just wait until you see what you’re capable of handling.

Now, always handling it with a smile on your face? That’s a whole ‘nother entry.

 
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Posted by on August 2, 2012 in achievements, beginnings, Daily Life, dealing with stress, Divorce, emotional clutter, goals, Kid Tips, mental stability, mental wellness, new beginnings, pacing yourself, positives, reassurance, state of mind, Staying Positive, Support, Talking To Kids, traveling with kids

 

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Wearin’ It On Your Sleeve

07 Jul

Every time I experience a stressful week or two or eight, I take specific notice of my health. I can see it deteriorate before my eyes, especially if I’m not careful or don’t take the time to exercise. It’s amazing how much stress can affect our ability to just smile and how quickly it can cause our moods, our demeanor and outlook to spiral out of control. Eventually, when it affects our health it only gets worse as the results of poor health make it more difficult to deal with day to day issues and the problem only escalates.

But look, it’s not like I’m telling you anything you don’t already know. The point of this entry is not to preach on the dangers of stress, but more to encourage awareness and ask the question that came to my mind this past week; “Where do you wear YOUR stress? Is it your head? Heart? Stomach?”

Throughout my life, I’ve watched my own family carry their stress in their own unique ways. Some had stomach issues, others migraines, a few had heart disease, back aches, ulcers, high blood pressure, depression, anger, you name it, someone in our family had it covered. As I looked closer, it was obvious that how we all dealt with stress was something we inherited from our parents. It made me stop and look at my own children and what they were witnessing as they saw me handle stress.

For me personally, I carry my stress in my gut and if left un-dealt with long enough, I’ll eventually end up doubled over. This is particularly true if I fail to exercise consistently. I learned at an early age that if I threw on my nikes and put in 3-4 miles the worries would seem more manageable, the pain would go away and my outlook was typically much brighter. Perhaps the most important aspect was it provided me with the energy I needed to tackle the pile of crap that was overwhelming me and causing me stress in the first place.

As I worked through my divorce I also reflected on the fact that I had typically worn my stress on my sleeve, creating an up and down emotional environment for my kids and more than likely people I worked with as well. My ex-wife first made me aware of this tendency and it’s been a goal of mine to become continually more consistent in how I respond to stress and anxiety. Again, it’s about looking in the mirror and being aware of the affects stress is having on us.

I don’t think anyone would be surprised to hear that divorce in and of itself is a stressful event to live through. The resulting tangents, twists and turns your life goes through as you cope with adjusting to life as a divorcee exponentially increase the opportunities for anxieties and worries to raise stress levels and increase the risk of health issues associated with stress. The point here is that divorce is a huge source of anxiety and the ensuing stress is dangerous. Recognizing that stress is taking its toll on your mind, heart, stomach etc. is an important element of survival. Being aware of what stress is doing to you physically and the affect it’s having on those around you is essential in managing your life and being prepared to overcoming the hurdles in front of you. Ignoring these affects can cripple you if you’re not careful.

Finding a means of relieving that stress is a must. You need to find a release and take steps to focus more on your health and minimize the stress as much as you can. Sometimes this means making difficult financial choices or career changes. It may mean buying a treadmill or forcing yourself to buy a new pair of hiking shoes. Regardless, I think if you look deep enough into your soul you’ll see the answers relatively clearly. You may not always like them. But they’re typically there staring you in the face and can represent a path to calmer waters.

And don’t roll your eyes, but when at all possible, maintaining a positive relationship with your ex can help eliminate or lesson the amount of stress in your life as you attempt to reach the next phase of your life, whatever that is. Becoming combative, holding grudges and pointing fingers only escalates stress and creates more weight on your own shoulders. Yes it may hold you back in some ways from moving forward, but adjusting to life as a divorced dad is not an overnight event. It takes time. Each step brings new understanding and growth. Do your best not to rush to the next step. Take a deep breathe, take your time, consider your choices, and keep your focus on the people that matter most, your kids.

So stop, reflect, think back. Have you laughed today? Did anything make you smile? Did you require an extra
dose of extra strength Tylenol to make it through the afternoon? Is this four days in a row like that? Believe me, it’s just not worth it. What’s important is not only smiling yourself, but giving your kids a reason to smile and laugh and feel good about their world. If you’re stressed, chances are you’re more abrasive, less likely to stop what you’re doing and toss the football or play tea party. You may not realize it, but in essence, you’re simply passing your stress on to your children. Yeah … they’re watching. And smarter than you think. As with most things in life, how you deal with your stress is something your kids will watch very closely. They’ll carry that with them the rest of their lives. So here’s your chance to take a good look at yourself and your own well being. Because if you’re not careful, you more than likely will run the risk of creating a scenario where your stress is more than just something you wear on your sleeve. If we’re not careful, it can quickly become a hand me down.

 
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Posted by on July 7, 2012 in Behavior, Daily Life, dealing with stress, depression, Divorce, emotional clutter, Exercise, mental stability, mental wellness, pacing yourself, physical activity, responsibility, run for your life, Staying Positive, Talking To Kids, Uncategorized

 

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Cowabunga Dude!

26 Jun

My eyes opened this morning at around 6:15. No real reason. Perhaps the fact that the sun is up well before that these days was part of it. Regardless, I remember popping the lids feeling much better about life than I did a mere 24 hours prior. Again, no real reason. Just a new mindset had taken over.

There is no real constant to life. It comes and goes in waves. Some good. Some bad. Some big. Some small. I think we all want life to be one consistently calm ocean. We want our journey to be easily navigated on a day to day basis. Unfortunately, I don’t know that such a reality exists. Doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, short or tall, married or divorced. The truth is, there are highs and lows, there’s good and bad, and the only constant is that there is no constant.

I actually find some sense of comfort knowing this. Especially on days that are full of negativity or when my mind is just ‘murky.’ There’s a sense of peace knowing that the wave of negativity will eventually pass and a new wave, perhaps a much more ridable one, will soon follow. There’s always the possibility that a storm will come along and cause an even WORSE wave to follow, but at some point all storms pass and calmer more manageable waters prevail.

And what if you’re riding a string of good waves? Should you be concerned that a bad wave will eventually come along? Well there’s a danger to that way of thinking. For example, my father always warned me that if you’re having a good day, watch out because it means a bad day is coming. He never appeared to get amped about a good wave. He always seemed to be anticipating a wipe out, even when he had complete control of the wave under him. I really don’t think that’s the answer. I mean, what’s the point of working your way through a string of wipeouts if you’re not going to enjoy life when it’s crankin’? When life brings you positives shouldn’t you relish in them? Milk em’ for all they’re worth? Ride that puppy as long as it’ll carry you?

What’s the point of wasting your energy worrying about wiping out or the wave over taking you? Isn’t the whole point of surfing to enjoy the rush? If you’re having a good ride, just acknowledge that it will likely end at some point and enjoy it while you can.

Learning to ride the waves of life is truly a skill all its own. Not over reacting to any one wave seems to be the best course. Do your best to surf through the bad ones and enjoy the good ones. Easier said than done I know. But I think coming to terms with the fact that a bad day isn’t necessarily the end of the world is one of the gifts of aging. With every wave we ride, we learn a little more about the feel of it and all of the nuances of the wave. We grow accustomed to the speed, to the feel and to the power beneath us.

If you ever watch seasoned surfers, they’re always looking forward, focused on where they’re going. Rarely do they look back. If you watch a novice, they’re usually fearful of the wave over taking them which typically causes them to wipeout. Perhaps the lesson is to just keep moving forward and to stay focused. Don’t worry about what’s coming up behind you. Don’t worry about a wave crashing over you. Just know that if you DO wipeout, a new wave will be coming up shortly. The point is to get back on the board.

As a parent every wave is an opportunity for us to teach our kids how to surf life’s ups and downs. They watch every move we make and are aware of every motion. Let them learn not to be clucked when a wave approaches, big or small. After all, the last thing you want to raise is a frube. (One too many I know. Just humor me)

Teach them to embrace the waves. To appreciate the rush that each one presents us with. Let them see that wiping out from time to time is o.k. They teach us limits and that falling in the ocean isn’t always that bad. Let them witness you riding the good AND bad waves like a pro. Teach them to appreciate the fact that life is constantly changing and that to ride the wave successfully, sometimes you just need to ride it out and not fight it. They’ll remember that as their lives present them with waves of their own to ride. And trust me, it’s going to happen.

As I got out of bed this morning, I tried to acknowledge that today was a good day for surfing. I can see a swell forming and I know there’s a good chance I will indeed wipeout, but if I’m going to have any fun I think it’s important that I attack the wave and hope for a good ride.

I truly believe that. I’m not sure I could survive if I didn’t.

 
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Posted by on June 26, 2012 in achievements, Behavior, Comfort Zones, Daily Life, dealing with stress, Divorce, hurdles, physical activity, Staying Positive, surfing, This Too Shall Pass, waves

 

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