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Category Archives: holidays

Left Wing, Right Wing, Chicken Wing!

06 Jan

Congratulations. You made it through the holidays and 2012.

As many will attest, the holidays can be a stressful time. It’s perhaps one of the most stressful times of the year, particularly if you’re divorced with kids. As a single parent you wear the stress of many people, not just
end-of-2013-start-of-2013_shutterstockyour own. Along with the joy of dealing with the solitude when you don’t have the kids, carrying the full load when you do have them, finding time to shop for presents and then wrapping them, juggling schedules, school breaks, stretching finances; everyone around you is equally stressed out creating levels of anxiety you never dreamed existed.

The kids of course are experiencing a great deal of their own stress. In many cases it means the majority of their vacation is spent on the road, visiting more than one family, adjusting to a major holiday without mom and dad together and dividing what time they do have between both mom and dad. In some cases it also means trying to understand why mom and dad may be getting along but aren’t together as we do our best to create a harmonious environment to ensure their holiday memories are good ones.

There are family members who are stressed because they don’t understand your situation necessarily and don’t know how to act around you. There are others who; despite your reassurances that everything is fine; ask you 76 times if you’re “really” alright and worry about how you’re handling it all or how the kids are coping.

6a267e83118d66269156e45fd180e4b2-dog-feels-bad-for-knocking-over-christmas-treeAt work; staff and clients are stressed out as everyone is trying to get things done before the break and their moods are swinging back and forth as they deal with their own multitude of home holiday stresses which of course filters its way to your office.

The checkout girl at Kroger glares at you when you have the audacity to ask for paper instead of plastic because SHE’s stressed from all of the overtime hours, the kid who just dumped a dozed eggs all over aisle 9 and not being able to find the little bar thing that separates everyone’s groceries on the conveyer belt.

And let’s not forget the dogs who are picking up on everyone else’s stress and acting up because they’re level of anxiety is at an all time high with the damn tree and presents they’re not allowed to pee on or tear up; all the strangers who come by, having pictures taken with some stupid little elf on their back, the UPS guy ringing the doorbell every 30 minutes and having to spend more time outside or in their crate so that they’re not tripped over.

Then to top it all off the world was piling it on as well. You carried with you the stress of a potential fiscal cliff
and stared a fading NHL season square in the eye. (You may laugh, but NHL fans were struggling with both the nhl_lockout640_640lock out and the fact that people didn’t care.)

From right wing politicians to left wing hockey players and owners fighting, foreign nations in civil conflict, school shootings leaving us all emotionally drained and then of course people arguing over gun laws. I swear, just thinking about it makes me want to check some whiney congressman (or woman) into the boards with an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle.

But hey! You made it. It’s all history and somehow 2013 started off with some lights at the end of the tunnel. Despite a few bumps in the road and a few dollars missing from your paycheck, everyone made it to the other side. Family visits are over, presents are opened, lights are taken down (or at least turned off), hockey starts in two weeks and D.C. will live to fight another day.

So grab a Molson, order yourself a dozen chicken wings, put on a pair of underwear that Santa stuffed in your stocking and pat yourself on the back. As you do, look back at the past year and recognize all of your
 accomplishments. Think about everything you experienced, everything you felt and everything you’ve learned.

 Stop for a moment and consider how much stronger you are and how far you’ve come. You’ve answered a lot of questions and overcome a lot of issues. New ones will arise of course, but you’re better equipped to deal withPresident Obama Hosts Congressional Leaders To Discuss Fiscal Cliff them. You have a better sense of who you are and where your life is headed. This will be a year of continued growth and understanding; a year of discovering new strengths and abilities. You’ll learn a little more about who you are and what you’re capable of. Of what you’re deserving of and what you need to be happy. And come next Thanksgiving, you’ll find yourself even better equipped to navigate the stresses of another holiday season.

For now look at the new year as a fresh canvas. A chance to spread your wings just a little wider and let your breaths be just a little deeper. It’ll be tumultuous at times no doubt, but you have new tools and skills to carry you forward. Time to pick a new north star and start dreamin’.

In the words of Cakehole Presley, “Choose your spot, grab a rock and hold on.”

 
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Posted by on January 6, 2013 in anxiety, awareness, beginnings, Christmas, dealing with stress, depression, emotional clutter, full schedule, holidays, mental stability, new beginnings, pacing yourself, patience, positives, reassurance, roadtrips, Scheduling, state of mind, Staying Positive, stress, Support, traveling with kids, Uncategorized, vacation, Weekends

 

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Holiday Stress – Year Two

22 Dec

If you’re a regular visitor, you’ve heard me state before the importance of focusing on the kids during the holidays. But it bares repeating. Regardless of what holiday it is, as parents we are living our child’s past every day. Every Christmas, 4th of July, birthday, recital, Hanakkah, whatever the celebration; each will be locked stressed-is-desserts
away in our kid’s memory and it’s up to us to do whatever we can to make the memories fond ones.

Let’s face it; the holiday season in particular can be one of the most stressful times of the year. Christmas budgets, work schedules, vacations, travel, getting everything done in time, elf on the shelf craziness, the kids are beyond over stimulated. It’s insanity at times. Now add to it trying to schedule time with TWO families and it only adds to the stress levels.

That’s why it’s crucial that you take a step back and remember what it’s all about. It’s about doing your best to be fun and upbeat. Because if YOU’RE positive, fun and upbeat, the kids will be more likely to follow suit. Countering stress with stress only escalates the problems. And that’s not what you want your kids remembering twenty years from now as they go through old photo albums.

I can pretty much guarantee you that you and your ex are going to have differences of opinions throughout the holiday season. There will be anger, frustration and you’ll be convinced at times that they have no interest in what’s important to you. It doesn’t matter. Your kids don’t want to hear that nor should they. They want to enjoy
the holiday with you and when possible with both you and your ex. Sometimes that’s feasible, sometimes it’s
12-28-09 ornaments118.jpgnot. But what is feasible is you putting on your game face and putting on your big girl panties to make the holiday memories ones that your kids will cherish for a lifetime.

It’s not easy. Lord knows I slip just like you. All you can do is be aware. Just keep picturing the images your children will have in their head of Christmas 2013 and know that you can influence those thoughts. It may mean giving in at times, it may mean holding your tongue at others. It may be something as simple as taking an hour or two to bake cookies with them, driving around looking at holiday light decorations or cuddling up on the couch and watching Elf when they’re with you. The point is to focus on making memories they’ll look back on when they’re older and smile. Let them be little nuggets they hold on to that remind them how special their lives are and how fortunate they are to be loved and how important they are to someone on this planet.

If I sound preachy, my sincere apologies. That’s not my intention. I simply know how difficult these times of the year can be especially when you’re divorced. Know that I say these things to myself daily as much as I say them to you. I repeat them over and over in my head as a reminder of what my focus needs to be and a means of committing to making every attempt to make this holiday one of laughter and joy for the people most important to me; my kids. If I’ve learned anything through the first two years of our divorce, it’s that arguments during the holidays accomplish nothing. Stress causes us to lose our focus on what’s important. The gifts don’t matter, the lines at the mall don’t matter, the stress doesn’t matter, the kids laughing during the holidays does matter. So plan ahead, be reasonable, be flexible and be joyful.

Peace and have an amazing holiday!

 
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Posted by on December 22, 2012 in awareness, Behavior, Christmas, Daily Life, dealing with stress, Divorce, Encouragement, holidays, patience, planning ahead, roadtrips, Scheduling, setting an example, state of mind, Staying Positive, Support, Uncategorized, working together

 

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Elf Invasion

13 Dec

So, the holidays are upon us and with them, in our house anyway, comes the annual visitation of what has grown into a trio of elves from the North Pole. They seem to have grown quite fond of our kids and follow them regardless of whether they’re staying with their mom or at my house. I’ve done my best to document these visits as well as the shananigans311113_10151256618312908_1341310992_n these jolly little beings have bestowed upon our household, but they can be sneaky little devils.

They arrived this year after much anticipation, riding together in a Barbie Camper they no doubt commandeered from a young doll I later caught one of the boy elves with. Needless to say, it became apparent early on that we were going to have to set some ground rules this year, as it seemed they had become a little “too” comfortable with our home and its inhabitants.

The first couple of weeks were relatively quiet with the three amigos greeting us each morning with the typical hide and go seek game we’d grown accustomed to over the past few years. Some days we’d find them “on a shelf” or “on a lamp.” And of course there would be days we’d find them in their favorite spot nestled within the Christmas tree. But for the most part 58991_10151250524737908_787395670_neverything was fairly tame and the kids would have fun starting off their day at the crack of dawn searching every room of the house to find where they were hiding.

And that’s when things started to take an odd turn. We woke one morning to find that they were apparently unhappy with our method of decorating the house for the holidays and felt we were lacking the proper amount of festive lighting. We caught them in the middle of stringing lights throughout the kitchen with no real concern for whether their plan fit into our overall decorating scheme. And this was just the beginning.

This latest display had raised a certain amount of concern on my part, but I was truly unprepared for what was to come next. I was aware of their reputation to take holiday cheer fairly seriously, and knew that these guys had a tendency to be a little “over the top.” But I was still of the mindset that they were relatively harmless. So imagine my surprise (as well as my kids) when we walked into our living room / kitchen area, only to find that they had helped themselves to our stash of toiletries and TP’d the entire downstairs. 77045_10151278127332908_421981261_n

It was at this point that my son (age 7) decided it was time to take drastic measures and capture the team on video. He worked up a little system with a hidden camera and set it to record each evening before he went to bed. The first couple of nights he was unable to capture any video although the elves managed to grab the camera and take some self portraits. Then, on the morning after the third night, I woke to the sound of my son screaming, “I GOT THEM ON VIDEO!!!” And sure enough, he caught one of them attempting to turn off his camera.

You can see the actual video here:

I have to admit we were all a little freaked out after that. Just knowing that these little guys were capable of some of the activities we’d witnessed is something that would shake up even the most experienced “Big Foot” 75261_10151276516177908_2048404350_nenthusiast. My son is still considering what to do with the footage and whether or not he wants to expose our little friends to the dangers that would come from people attempting to capture them. The elves meanwhile must have come to the same conclusion as since that time things have been relatively tame.

We all have our special holiday memories that we look back on for a smile now and then. Thankfully our family will have these memories to last a lifetime. And the best part is that they’re all documented with photographic and video evidence to be passed on from generation to generation.

As I’ve written before, a divorce doesn’t have to mean the end of joyous holidays and fond memories. There are plenty of places to find the joy of Christmas as a family and bring cheer to each and every member of the household. The level of Christmas cheer within our walls continues to grow thanks in part to the efforts of some very creative little elves. Hopefully your home is equally filled with a spirit that brings smiles and warmth to your kids regardless of whether your kids live in two homes or one. The important part is that they continue to build fun memories they’ll carry with them the rest of their lives.

 
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Posted by on December 13, 2012 in bedtime, beginnings, Christmas, Divorce, holidays, mental stability, mental wellness, new beginnings, positives, Staying Positive

 

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Living Memories!

03 Dec

You would think that after ten years of being a parent, I would have become accustomed to the concept. Yet there are still days when I’m simply overwhelmed by what it means to be a dad. To wake to a smiling little face looking to me for guidance along with a bowl of cereal completely blows my mind some mornings. The holidays in particular bring so many emotions to the forefront. Because think about it; each day you’re literally living their memories. Just as you wish some days you could go back and relive a moment, those moments are happening for your child, right now. They will look back at the pictures you’re taking today the same way you1442_40453547907_3760_n
look at pictures from your own childhood. So don’t look now, but you’re living your child’s past; today.

Every night my kids ask me to tell them stories about my childhood. In doing so I’m continually reflecting on my perspective as a child and how I viewed the world, my home and my own parents. I find myself reliving my own Christmas memories and searching for understanding as to why certain memories stand out from the rest. To now view myself on the other side of that equation is a true wake up call as I see every day how my efforts and choices directly build the memory banks of my own kids.

I pulled the kids aside last night and we looked up at our newly decorated Christmas tree. They commented on how much they loved it and how so many of the decorations told stories about their lives. They were already reflecting on Christmas’ past. All of them kept commenting on their first ornament and their favorite Christmas moments. Even now it’s starting and as a parent it can be a little overwhelming thinking of yourself as the cruise director of their little lives. After all, it’s not about entertaining them every minute of the day, but teaching them how to be responsible happy adults. And I’m sure we can all remember holiday memories that involve a screaming child or two.

Thankfully, we spent this particular morning decorating together, listening to Christmas music together, laughing together, baking together, working together and simply enjoying a sunday in December. For me that was the greatest 2012-12-02 21.59.40Christmas gift I could have received. To see them reach that milestone of being a family and being able to truly enjoy being together building a memory was magical. I visualized them twenty years from now looking back on this particular Sunday, telling their own kids about it; and smiling.

There are days when, as a parent, you’re going to be convinced you’ve completely screwed up your kids. It may be a day of decorating you anticipated being blissful, that ends up with the kids in their respective rooms “thinking about how they could have handled the situation better.” This particular morning gave me hope that perhaps, despite being in separate houses, my ex-wife and I had made some progress and done some things right. Perhaps all of our efforts to maintain as much positive as we can and continue working together were paying off.

It’s your choice how you live these years with your children. As a divorced dad, obviously there is a sense of disappointment you hold within that you weren’t able to maintain the full family dynamic under one roof. But your kids are looking to you to see how you react to it and how you embrace it. You have an opportunity to demonstrate that life goes on and you can make the most of it. You have a chance to create amazing memories for them and provide them with the assurance that their lives don’t have to be miserable just because their mom and dad don’t live together anymore.

As parents we’re inevitably going to screw up our kids on some level. I think that’s just part of life. Their perception will dictate certain aspects of how the world treats them regardless of what we do. That, in and of itself can be overwhelming. So remind them of how much they’re loved and how happy you are that they’re there when they are there. And yes, BE happy they’re there. Focus on the magic that is, being a dad (or mom). It’s hard work. It forces you to really look at yourself and who you are. You’ll make sacrifices. They’ll force you KID160ChildrenMakingMemories
to make some really hard choices. And it will stop you dead in your tracks some days when you look in the mirror and say, “Holy crap! I’m the parent of a _________ year old!”

And you are. You’re a parent. I think on some level, that never fully sinks in. Because just when you’ve managed to accept the fact that you have a child in kindergarten, suddenly you have a child preparing to enter middle school. Trying to keep up emotionally is tough. I’m ten years in and it still hasn’t completely sunk in. And honestly, I’m beginning to believe it never will. Perhaps it’s because my life isn’t necessarily what I envisioned it would be. And because of that I continually have to reassess where I’m at and where I’m headed. I could make the choice to be bitter and angry over certain things. But what sort of memories would that leave the kids with? And truthfully, I’m where I am because of previous choices I made and those choices brought me some incredible memories of my own along with three amazing kids. Three amazing kids who continue to overwhelm, inspire and wake me up with a smile; looking for guidance and a bowl of cereal.

 
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Posted by on December 3, 2012 in awareness, beginnings, bonding, Daily Life, dealing with stress, Divorce, emotions, family time, holidays, hurdles, Kid Tips, love, patience, roles, siblings, sisters, Staying Positive, Support, Talking To Kids, Uncategorized, Weekends, working together

 

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Black Friday Virgin

23 Nov

I had always scoffed at those of you who got in their cars at midnight to hit the retail world after doing the Thanksgiving dishes. I’d seen some of the news stories and really never ever, ever, … considered that endeavor. But somehow, this year turned out a little different and with three kids, potentially getting a high ticket item at 50% off times three, made it a tempting proposition. And then of course there was the curiousity factor.

And so I put on my big girl panties, along with a bullet proof vest and made my way for Target’s 9 p.m. opening. I arrived around 8:45 and nearly turned around when I saw the line; pretty much convinced my odds of anything being left by the time I got in were relatively slim. But I told myself, “self, you drove all this way, it’s worth a shot plus it’s free entertainment.”

Not really knowing what to expect I just kind of floated along, watching and listening. There was one short skirmish in line between a couple of very, um, shall we say high class ladies; one of which was apparently not a fan of cutting in line. She eloquently got her $%#@ point across to the other who received this information in an equally bleeping lady like fashion at which point we all moved on.

Besides that, it was pretty much uneventful, which is kind of boring for a blog entry I know, but somewhere in
here I’m sure there’s a valuable point to get across. I’ll try to come up with something if you’ll keep reading.

So I went in not really knowing what to expect. From the stories I’d seen on television I was expecting some
hair pulling, a little Barbie tug of war, maybe a kidney punch over a TV, anything really. But what I personally
saw were a bunch of people excited about the holiday; most of them helping others and saying excuse me and “sorry” when they bumped into someone. On some level I was actually a little disappointed. I mean, come on, even you have to admit it would have been nice to have seen at least one purse beating over a Barry Manilow CD or something. But nothing. I even ran into an old friend I hadn’t seen in years. We passed each other in the check out line, made fun of the candy and soap he’d bought and promised to catch up after the holidays.

So for those of you who were concerned that all of this nonsense over material things was going to take away from quality time with the family, I have to point out that most of the people I saw were, well, families. There were mothers and daughters enjoying a tradition they’d created. Fathers and sons checking some things off the list. Entire families loading up carts. There was a lot of laughter, smiling and I’ll say it, patience. Sure there
were way too many carts in the isle and it was at times difficult to get around, but for the most part, all I saw was a festive crowd of people wrapped up more in the joy of giving than they were in the need for saving.

The reality is, whether it’s a soccer match, a New Years party or a Walmart opening their doors at midnight the day after Thanksgiving, there will always be some idiots who have had too much to drink and take things WAY too seriously. And those are typically the ones that make it on the news. I mean let’s face it. Where’s the
ratings drama in someone saying, “no, you take the last Wii U, I’ll just order one on-line.”

Truthfully, all in all, I have to say what I was a part of was actually a lot of fun and full of holiday spirit. Even the sales staff was trying to make it fun and festive for everyone. Some were dressed up in holiday garb and doing their best to assist people. And most of the people I rubbed elbows with were all in it for the right reasons. And let’s face it, when you’re a single parent adjusting to a new household budget, if you can find a way to save a few hundred bucks around the holiday and give your kids a joyous Christmas morning, it’s kind of worth the crowds.

Now, I don’t think I would ever want to be at the front of the line, but from my vantage point my first experience with Black Friday actually gave me a sense of being a part of something special, if that makes any sense.  Just to share the pop culture experience with others was kind of gratifying. And the best part is, I owe the entire experience to my ex-wife who suggested one of us go. And considering the effort she’d put forth on the Thanksgiving feast (which we all enjoyed as a family by the way), I’d say I got the the real bargain.

Oh and to my daughter who may be reading this. I got you underwear and socks. (at a great price!)

 
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Posted by on November 23, 2012 in black friday, budget, Daily Life, dealing with stress, Divorce, holidays, Retail Love, Shopping, Staying Positive, Thanksgiving

 

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Thanksgiving Take II

21 Nov

When I started to write this, I kept finding myself gravitating toward all of the negatives of the holiday season and the division of time with the kids. This will be our second Thanksgiving since the divorce was final and I struggled a bit. I discovered that in many ways, as the wounds of the divorce had begun to heal, a new sense of meloncholy had started to set in as I began to recognize the emptiness left behind in the aftermath of our separation. Then I reminded myself that that’s not what this blog is about. Nor is it what the holidays are about.

We as families, together or divided, on good terms or bad, all share one common thread; we are all just that, a family. It may not be perfect, we may not always see eye to eye and the past year most certainly had its
moments of hurt, pain, resentment and anguish. We may not see ourselves in a Norman Rockwell painting. But the bottom line is, the kids still have the same mom and the same dad. They still look to each of us for love, support, comfort and understanding. And they look to us to lead.

The other thing to keep in mind is that these are our child’s memories we’re forging. We’ve already created a bit of a sting when it comes to how they’ll see their past as adults. But we still have a chance to make their holiday memories fond ones. Moments of peace between parents, toasting what we’re thankful for and finding reasons to laugh and smile.

And so, I only offer up my own words of encouragement. Remember the great things you still have. Whether or not you’re able to be with your kids at every holiday meal. Even if you’re entering the holidays during one of the more strenuous times in your relationship with your ex. Listen, my parents and I as well as my siblings and I argue all year long. We can get on each other’s last nerve. Yet come the holidays we manage to find a way to focus on the positives, even if only for a few hours, and celebrate our family.

Thanksgiving is a time to focus on the positives. It’s a chance to look at our kids and to do whatever you can to provide them with the security and foundation they may be struggling with. This isn’t about who’s the better parent, who let you down or who did more over the past twelve months. This is about being thankful for everything you’ve fought so hard to protect and everything you’ve done and can do to ensure your kids know they’re loved and wanted. And most of all, it’s about giving your kids something to be thankful for which above all should be memories they’ll cherish and great relationships with both their mom AND dad.

Peace to you this Thanksgiving. Now go hug your kids.

 
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Posted by on November 21, 2012 in Divorce, holidays, Kid Tips, love, mental stability, mental wellness, Thanksgiving, Uncategorized

 

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Different Paths

01 Nov

Another title for this post could have been “Growing Pains” and I hope you take what’s being said as a positive as it relates to personal growth. Growing pains can hurt, but they’re typically a sign that you’re making progress. It’s true when your body is growing and it’s equally relevant when embarking on a new direction in your life. Let’s look at your divorce as an example. You’ve worked hard to maintain a positive relationship with your ex. Despite some bumps in the road, for the most part you’ve both been able to see past it and have worked relatively well together. My hunch is, that there are good weeks and bad weeks. I mean let’s face it; if you were able to work that well together consistently, you’d probably still be married. But you’re not. A truth that over time will likely build distance between the two of you despite your best attempts to continue parenting as a tandem.

Sometimes one of you just needs time to digest recent events that may have rubbed you or your ex the wrong way. Sometimes life simply pulls you in another direction. I think it’s an illusion to believe that every attempt to work closely on schedules, events and parenting issues is going to go smoothly. It didn’t happen when you were married, no reason to believe it’s magically going to start happening now that you’re divorced no matter how good you get at compromise.

As your life takes you in new directions, it’s also likely that your confidence, both in being a dad and the choices you make as a parent, is going to grow. You’ll start to find your own groove and get accustomed to making decisions about things that in the past were made as a team. You’ll start to get more comfortable with doing things without consult and realize that, while many issues will always require a discussion or notification, not all roads have to go through your ex when it comes to parenting. And to an extent that’s fine. Just don’t get cocky about it.

There are going to be moments when it sinks in a little deeper that you’re no longer a couple. Part of the purpose of working closely with your ex is to help maintain that sense of family that is so important to the kids. But from time to time, things are going to happen that will remind everyone that you’re not. And it’s going to suck. It’s not necessarily the end of the world, but reality has a nasty way of slapping us in the face from time to time. So just be aware. Recognize that you’re not going to be thrilled with every decision your ex makes when it comes to the kids. Conversely, you’re going to make choices that are going to piss off your ex.

When that happens, stop for a moment and consider, even if for just a moment, if you’ve gone too far or if the decision you’ve made is actually quite reasonable. Is your ex over reacting and making assumptions? Are you? It’s easy to presume that one deliberately did something in an attempt to undermine the other. Typically that’s not the case and all you can do is reassure the other person of the truth and then it’s up to them to take your word for it or not. Still, when you work closely with an ex-spouse, sometimes it’s difficult to recognize the boundaries between still being a family unit and being a divorced couple.

I made an agreement with my ex-wife that we would try to include each other in a lot of things like holidays, birthdays, extra curricular activities, school events etc. And so far it’s gone pretty well. We’ve even had each other over for dinner from time to time. But sometimes, I think it’s natural for it to feel a little too close. There comes a point where in some respects, you’re going to want that space. Especially as you start to feel more at ease with being a single parent.

When that happens, I think you should embrace it as it means your’e growing. But I also believe, it’s worth considering the other side of the coin. I’m not saying you should necessarily change your course every time, since there comes a point when your life and the decisions you make are going to be more and more your own. Just remember the shoe will likely be on the other foot at some point and be prepared for the fact that once you start to take those steps there is another person who will likely take some of their own. And it’s going to hurt when they do. Just as it did for them when you found your own stride. And it’ll be up to you to acknowledge and not make it an excuse to get angry. It won’t always be an easy decision, but it’s an important one.

There are going to be struggles for both of you as time passes and lives take their own turns. It’s all about navigating those ebbs and flows and remembering that it’s a two way street and that from time to time, it’s going to hurt. Just promise yourself that you’re going to do whatever you can to ensure that you’re the one who’s going to be feeling the burn, not your kids.

 
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Posted by on November 1, 2012 in beginnings, Behavior, Daily Life, Divorce, emotional clutter, emotions, family time, holidays, hurdles, new beginnings, pacing yourself, patience, Scheduling, Staying Positive, Support, time management, Uncategorized

 

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774 miles, 13 hours, 3 kids, 1 Jeep!

05 Jun

774 miles, 13 hours, 3 kids, 1 Jeep.

My head spins just thinking about it. But we did it. Not once but twice in one week as we traveled up to the finger lakes to kick off summer vacation. I only attempt these trips knowing that my kids are accustomed to longer distances. As soon as my oldest was born, my ex-wife and I were hitting the road. We’ve been traveling long distances ever since and as each child joined the caravan, they became more and more accustomed to sitting for long stretches. Based on history, knowing that some great moments are just up the road is more than enough incentive to keep on truckin’.

The funny thing is, we typically can’t drive five miles at home without a meltdown of some sort, and yet on the long trips they typically do great. But even this trip was a record for us and I’m still astounded that we made it home without having to drop someone off in Columbus or Cincinnati.

I remember when I was a kid (he said in his best old man impersonation) we didn’t have car seats, or laws about sitting up front. We also didn’t have DVD players, streaming video and i-pod touches. We rode on the hump, laid in our dad’s lap as he drove, sprawled out in the back seat, played road bingo and punch bug. Dad typically pulled over several times threatening to throw us off a bridge which garnered 20 miles or so until the next round of back seat anarchy.

But now, even with the restrictions of car safety legislation, the kids (and parents) have tools that make the trip a little easier. So as I packed the car for our trip north I thought I had it covered. Snacks, drinks, DVD player, i-pods, headphones, books, games, you name it we had it. Then it happened. As we pulled out of the drive way we realized the DVD player wasn’t working. On top of that my car charger was AWOL. That meant no movies and I had maybe 2 hours before I’d hear, “DAADDD!!! My I-pod is dead!”

A wave of panic rushed through my veins as I tried to assess the potential damage and come up with a plan B. Meanwhile by the grace of all that’s holy, the kids all fell asleep within the first 30 minutes which bought me a couple of hours.

I heard a couple of yawns and saw some stretching going on which let me know I’d soon have a lot of requests coming my way. That’s when I heard one of the kids ask, “Can we watch TV on your phone?” I hadn’t even thought of that! Fortunately I had a full charge and the Netflix app ready to roll on my i-phone. My car stereo has an ‘aux’ plug that allows you to listen to your phone through the car speakers which is an added bonus! And so it was that we managed to make it through the first 1/3 of the trip virtually unscathed. From there we picked up another charger and suddenly the DVD player was a forgotten memory as my phone, little screen and all, became the center of entertainment.

As I mentioned we’ve been road tripping for a long time. So my kids are accustomed to long stretches in the car. We started with little 1-2 hour trips and worked our way up. Now it’s my kids, all 10 and under, who are typically the ones who don’t want to stop. When we stop to gas, they just want to go to the bathroom and get food through the drive-thru so we can keep on moving. Pretty amazing actually. When everyone’s doing well we will do that, but I’ve learned that sometimes we all need a break from the journey and will stop for a longer break while I recharge and the kids decompress.

And then we’re off again.

Traveling with kids can be a challenge as we all know. The trick is to do as much preparation ahead of time as you can. And not just in terms of entertainment and snacks. Mental preparation is almost, if not more, important. Acknowledge in your head from the very beginning that there are going to be trying moments and plan ahead how you’re going to handle them. Promise yourself you’ll keep a cool head and recognize that it’s the circumstances that are causing the issues. That’s not to say you won’t have your moments of “don’t make me pull over!” which you will, but the more you can prepare yourself the more enjoyable it’ll be for everyone. As the dad (or mom) you set the tone.

Some tips.Make sure snacks, drinks, etc. are within arms reach as you won’t have someone next to you to help. Have a “take turns” plan of action for movies, tv shows, music etc. At the same time, depending on how many kids you have, don’t be afraid to double up on DVD players. Borrow a neighbor’s DVD player to give the girls one to watch Barbie on and the boys one to watch Thomas the Train on. It’s more effort, but makes for a much smoother ride.

Above all try to remind everyone about the north star; the goal, the prize! Talk about it with the kids mid stream. “What are you looking forward to most when we get to the lake?” “How many fish are you going to catch?” “Are you going to go tubing this year?”

As frustrating as traveling with the kids can be at times, not once have I ever regretting the trip. The bonding that takes place is irreplaceable. The time spent focused on the kids is priceless. Even the trip itself becomes an event you conquer together. The important thing is that you’re spending time as a family. The trip itself is really only part of a much more important journey. It’s that thought that keeps me throwing the kids in the back seat and taking off for adventures that otherwise would be time spent watching too much Disney. (no offense Mickey).

Every mile is a memory. Every memory is one more opportunity to remind the kids of how important they are and how important your relationship with them is. That in and of itself is worth the trip.
 
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Posted by on June 5, 2012 in Camps, Daily Life, Divorce, full schedule, holidays, hurdles, Kid Tips, pacing yourself, physical activity, planning ahead, positives, roadtrips, Scheduling, Staying Positive, Support, Talking To Kids, traveling with kids, Uncategorized, vacation

 

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