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Category Archives: full schedule

Time Keeps on Slippin’ Slippin’ Slippin’

22 Apr

Steve Miller said it best. Time keeps on slippin’ slipplin’ slippin, into the future.

When you’re a single parent (or any parent for that matter), everything changes when it comes to your calendar. Not only is your plate full, but your soup bowl is overflowing, your salad bowl can no longer contain theto-do-list tomatoes, your bread dish is heaping and your glass is spilling all over the table.

It is easy to become overwhelmed with the “have to’s” let alone consider any sort of “me time” or maintaining friendships. Eventually you start to convince yourself that in attempting to make everyone happy you’re letting everyone down and the world is frowning on you 24 – 7. In addition to that, depending on how much of the time you have your kids, there is a new level of stress that enters the picture knowing that when you’re on … it’s all you.

And of course with spring comes a new season of sports activities to attend, games to cheer, practices to get to, new grass to mow, weeds to pull, flowers to plant and shrubs to trim. And let’s not forget the fact that school will be out soon which means camps to find, sitters to hire, vacations to plan … all of which means something else will have to be taken off the calendar.

Does this sound familiar?

As parents we want to ensure we don’t deprive our kids of essentials and experiences. But the reality is, at some point something’s gotta give. It’s up to each of us to set the priorities and recognize we’re not super heroes. We can’t do it all. Our first inclination is to simply extend the day getting up at 5 a.m. and going to bed FUTUREHEADS_THE_CHAOS_COVERat 2 a.m. But you can only keep that up for so long before you go mental. The reality is we have to be more realistic. It may mean missing a practice, or pushing a deadline, or letting the grass grow another half inch. It may mean working with other parents to help get kids where they need to be when you’re overbooked. It may be, God help me, saying no once in a while.

The world will continue to pull at you from all sides. How you handle it is really up to you. I wrote early on when I first started this blog, that adjusting to life as a single parent isn’t a race. There is no finish line. No matter how you pace yourself, there is always another step to take. ALWAYS. To enjoy each step and not completely burn out it’s important to recognize that simple truth. There is no finish line. Another truth is that whether you’re an introvert or extravert, we all need a chance to recharge. Be aware of when you reach that point and give yourself a chance to replenish your mental, physical and emotional capacity.

For me, I find that when I’m ‘thinking’ about everything that has to happen, I stress out. When I just start doing things I’m fine. Just knowing I’m tackling it, or at least attempting to tackle it, regardless of what “it” is, makes me feel better about things. It’s the first step that kills me. In the Futureheads song “Jupiter,” they state:

The first five thousand miles are the hardest steps to take
Then your autopilot kicks in for the journey’s sake
You’re impossible to break
Impossible to overtake

And it’s true. Once you get going, once you start moving, you start conquering. Eventually you get to a point where you’re system just rolls and you discover you’re capable of things you never imagined. The danger comes when you stop (like I did this weekend). Getting going again can be tough. But the point is, you forget how much you have to do when you start moving. You get focused and your mind can’t dwell on the mountainimages-23 before you.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

So, sit down, and consider what needs to be done. Make a list (WHAT DID HE SAY?). Yes a list. Then prioritize. Then roll. Get moving. Start checking things off. Maybe start with a small thing. But make sure you have your priorities straight. There will be days when you’re in a client meeting and the school is going to call to let you know your kid just threw up and needs to come home. That’s your cue to say, “you’ll have to excuse me, my kid needs me.” A day will come when they won’t need you any more and you’ll wish they did. So take advantage of these days while you can. Nine out of ten times people will understand. And if the people who are around you DON’T understand, then you need different people around you. But that’s another post.

You will get overwhelmed. Your plate will overflow. It’s part of the gig. But tomorrow will come. Trust it. Do what you can. Just don’t sit and stew over it all. Have your priorities in order. Put your body in gear and start moving forward. Little by little you’ll figure it out so long as you allow yourself to be aware of every moment and soak in the good stuff. The first 5000 miles may be the hardest ones to take, but they can also be the most rewarding.

 

 
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Posted by on April 22, 2013 in anxiety, awareness, Daily Life, dealing with stress, full schedule, mental stability, pacing yourself, Staying Positive, stress, Uncategorized

 

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Aside
26 Feb

So, how’re you holding up? Keeping it all together?

Sometimes I have a difficult time coming up with a topic to write about. Today is one of those days. And yet I feel compelled to write to you and encourage you to keep moving forward; to keep the faith and to fight throughhow_you_doin whatever negativity you might be dealing with. Some days we simply need someone to tell us we’re amazing. That what we’re doing is epic. Sometimes it’s just nice to hear someone say, “I don’t know how you do it.”

Just the fact that you’re there for your kids is something to be both proud of and thankful for. Some dads leave a divorce and put it all behind them, including their kids. I wish there was something I could say to those dads, but chances are those dads probably aren’t reading this blog. I feel bad for those fathers because they’re really missing out on one of the most amazing experiences life has to offer. Keep in mind I’m not talking about dads who want to be there, but have limited access to the kids due to the courts. I’m talking about the dads who just don’t care. Because they would if they knew what they were missing.

But it’s not easy and it doesn’t come without an effort as you well know. It doesn’t come without battles, compromises and standing up for yourself AND your kids. There is a reason why you get up every morning, idadjpg-85702c75c414f9a9make school lunches, stay up late washing a special pair of jeans your daughter wants to wear to school in the morning, coach a soccer team or teach your kid how to make the perfect pancake. There’s a reason you stop what you’re doing when you tuck your kids in at night to spend 30 minutes talking to them about their day. It’s because once you see your kids smile due to your efforts it becomes infectious. When you sense the impact you’re having on your kids you become astutely aware of your true purpose.

It doesn’t happen right off the bat necessarily. And I think that’s where some dads struggle. You can’t just wake up one day and expect your twelve year old kid to be your best pal. It takes time for both you and your kids to find your groove and to respect each other. It takes time to accept certain aspects of being a dad and get comfortable with others. And even when you do, there are going to be days when you struggle to keep the focus where it needs to be. Because along with your kids, there are a thousand other people pulling at you, needing you, expecting things from you. You get lost in a project, or invariably everything lands on the same day between 10 am and noon. That’s when the school calls to let you know your daughter has a temperature. Or your ex texts you to see if there’s any chance you can best_job_ive_ever_had_being_a_dad_mousepad-p144662381049604604eng3t_400meet the kids at the bus stop today because of an emergency.

It’s a balance that takes time to master and even then it’s not always easy when you’re getting it from all sides. So I’m here to tell you you’re doing great. You’re a great dad and your kids need you, typically when they seem to need you the least. But they need you because of the amazing things you bring to their lives. They need you because you’re the only dad they have and over time they’ve learned to appreciate everything you do, even when they tell you you’re the worst dad ever because you made them turn off an inappropriate program or made them clean their room or turn off the computer. They need the boundaries you set, the hugs you offer, the reassurances you give them that they’re awesome and not a freak like so many of their school mates make them feel like sometimes.

They need you dad and they need you because you’ve set the bar. And now that you’ve set it to not maintain it would be letting them down. And the fact that you’ve set the bar is the strongest indication that you’re doing a great job.

How YOU Doin’?

 
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Posted by on February 26, 2013 in anxiety, attendance, awareness, being there, bonding, choices, Comfort Zones, Daily Life, dealing with stress, depression, Divorce, emotional clutter, Encouragement, full schedule, hurdles, Kid Tips, listening, mental wellness, pacing yourself, patience, positives, Purpose, reassurance, responsibility, state of mind, Staying Positive, stress, Support, Talking To Kids, Uncategorized, working together

 

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Losing My Mind (and my keys)

21 Feb

I don’t know about you, but there are days when I’m convinced my sometimes over booked life is turning me into a complete idiot. There are days when it feels like I spend more time retracing my steps in order to remember where I left my pants than I do accomplishing my to do list. We all misplace our keys from time to time but honestly, I don’t know how many times this week I’ve stopped and called myself all kinds of names
memory36969112_crop out of frustration.

I’m proud of what I accomplish every week. It’s a lot. I consider myself incredibly productive. But man, sometimes I just stop and wonder what’s going on inside my brain. I had always had a history of laying things down in odd places and then completely forgetting. I learned over time how to stop, retrace my steps and then figure it out. And for the most part I’ve done a great job of doing it. But then there are times when I actually walk into the kitchen and completely forget why I was going there.

Does this happen to you? Do you forget things?

I remember driving to work one morning. I had just gotten off the phone with my mom and started thinking about the upcoming weekend and everything that had to get done. There were a couple of softball games, a birthday party, a project that needed some extra attention, yard work that needed to get done. Started thinking about an upcoming trip with the kids and then suddenly I realized I’d completely driven past my exit and was heading toward what was an old job I’d had seven years ago.

Stop right now, close your eyes and ask yourself what color socks you have on. Do you know? I’m telling you, our lives as single parents can really put a strain on our ability to keep up with everything. So it’s no wonder we drive off with our coffee mug on top of our car from time to time or go through seven to eight names including the dog’s before calling our kid the right one.

I would love to offer you a cure all. Like, have a place you keep your keys, wallet, phone etc. Put things you’re
DMLgroup.jpggoing need in the morning where you can find them the night before. Do crossword puzzles to exercise your brain. But honestly, I think there are just going to be days (sometimes several in a row), when you’re going to have to be aware of everything going on and give yourself a moment to stop, think and be cognizant of what you’re doing or where you’re putting something down.

It’s so easy to get so lost in our schedules and the hustle bustle of our days that we completely forget ourselves and what we’re doing. I’ve literally put dishwashing detergent in the refrigerator and have gotten out of the shower only to realize I never rinsed my hair. It’s easy to start thinking you have a brain tumor or alzheimer’s. My guess is I just overload myself from time to time and most of what I’ve read assures me that everything I’m experiencing is completely normal for a 40 something with three kids and four jobs. A lot of recent studies also show that stress is a major contributor to memory loss. And Lord knows, if you’re going through a divorce or trying to get back on track, stress just comes with the territory.

So, my only advise is to first stop every once in a while and give yourself a moment. I’ve found exercise helps on many levels. And make a point to try and recognize when you’re in a state of confusion and make an extra effort to be aware of what you’re doing. Slow your brain down a bit and try to focus. Lord knows I tell my kids to do it enough times every day. This is one instance where practicing what I preach can really come in handy.

So anyway … I’m sorry; what were we talking about?

 
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Posted by on February 21, 2013 in awareness, Behavior, clutter, Daily Life, dealing with stress, depression, Divorce, emotional clutter, full schedule, health, memory loss, mental stability, mental wellness, morning routine, patience, planning ahead, stress

 

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Left Wing, Right Wing, Chicken Wing!

06 Jan

Congratulations. You made it through the holidays and 2012.

As many will attest, the holidays can be a stressful time. It’s perhaps one of the most stressful times of the year, particularly if you’re divorced with kids. As a single parent you wear the stress of many people, not just
end-of-2013-start-of-2013_shutterstockyour own. Along with the joy of dealing with the solitude when you don’t have the kids, carrying the full load when you do have them, finding time to shop for presents and then wrapping them, juggling schedules, school breaks, stretching finances; everyone around you is equally stressed out creating levels of anxiety you never dreamed existed.

The kids of course are experiencing a great deal of their own stress. In many cases it means the majority of their vacation is spent on the road, visiting more than one family, adjusting to a major holiday without mom and dad together and dividing what time they do have between both mom and dad. In some cases it also means trying to understand why mom and dad may be getting along but aren’t together as we do our best to create a harmonious environment to ensure their holiday memories are good ones.

There are family members who are stressed because they don’t understand your situation necessarily and don’t know how to act around you. There are others who; despite your reassurances that everything is fine; ask you 76 times if you’re “really” alright and worry about how you’re handling it all or how the kids are coping.

6a267e83118d66269156e45fd180e4b2-dog-feels-bad-for-knocking-over-christmas-treeAt work; staff and clients are stressed out as everyone is trying to get things done before the break and their moods are swinging back and forth as they deal with their own multitude of home holiday stresses which of course filters its way to your office.

The checkout girl at Kroger glares at you when you have the audacity to ask for paper instead of plastic because SHE’s stressed from all of the overtime hours, the kid who just dumped a dozed eggs all over aisle 9 and not being able to find the little bar thing that separates everyone’s groceries on the conveyer belt.

And let’s not forget the dogs who are picking up on everyone else’s stress and acting up because they’re level of anxiety is at an all time high with the damn tree and presents they’re not allowed to pee on or tear up; all the strangers who come by, having pictures taken with some stupid little elf on their back, the UPS guy ringing the doorbell every 30 minutes and having to spend more time outside or in their crate so that they’re not tripped over.

Then to top it all off the world was piling it on as well. You carried with you the stress of a potential fiscal cliff
and stared a fading NHL season square in the eye. (You may laugh, but NHL fans were struggling with both the nhl_lockout640_640lock out and the fact that people didn’t care.)

From right wing politicians to left wing hockey players and owners fighting, foreign nations in civil conflict, school shootings leaving us all emotionally drained and then of course people arguing over gun laws. I swear, just thinking about it makes me want to check some whiney congressman (or woman) into the boards with an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle.

But hey! You made it. It’s all history and somehow 2013 started off with some lights at the end of the tunnel. Despite a few bumps in the road and a few dollars missing from your paycheck, everyone made it to the other side. Family visits are over, presents are opened, lights are taken down (or at least turned off), hockey starts in two weeks and D.C. will live to fight another day.

So grab a Molson, order yourself a dozen chicken wings, put on a pair of underwear that Santa stuffed in your stocking and pat yourself on the back. As you do, look back at the past year and recognize all of your
 accomplishments. Think about everything you experienced, everything you felt and everything you’ve learned.

 Stop for a moment and consider how much stronger you are and how far you’ve come. You’ve answered a lot of questions and overcome a lot of issues. New ones will arise of course, but you’re better equipped to deal withPresident Obama Hosts Congressional Leaders To Discuss Fiscal Cliff them. You have a better sense of who you are and where your life is headed. This will be a year of continued growth and understanding; a year of discovering new strengths and abilities. You’ll learn a little more about who you are and what you’re capable of. Of what you’re deserving of and what you need to be happy. And come next Thanksgiving, you’ll find yourself even better equipped to navigate the stresses of another holiday season.

For now look at the new year as a fresh canvas. A chance to spread your wings just a little wider and let your breaths be just a little deeper. It’ll be tumultuous at times no doubt, but you have new tools and skills to carry you forward. Time to pick a new north star and start dreamin’.

In the words of Cakehole Presley, “Choose your spot, grab a rock and hold on.”

 
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Posted by on January 6, 2013 in anxiety, awareness, beginnings, Christmas, dealing with stress, depression, emotional clutter, full schedule, holidays, mental stability, new beginnings, pacing yourself, patience, positives, reassurance, roadtrips, Scheduling, state of mind, Staying Positive, stress, Support, traveling with kids, Uncategorized, vacation, Weekends

 

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774 miles, 13 hours, 3 kids, 1 Jeep!

05 Jun

774 miles, 13 hours, 3 kids, 1 Jeep.

My head spins just thinking about it. But we did it. Not once but twice in one week as we traveled up to the finger lakes to kick off summer vacation. I only attempt these trips knowing that my kids are accustomed to longer distances. As soon as my oldest was born, my ex-wife and I were hitting the road. We’ve been traveling long distances ever since and as each child joined the caravan, they became more and more accustomed to sitting for long stretches. Based on history, knowing that some great moments are just up the road is more than enough incentive to keep on truckin’.

The funny thing is, we typically can’t drive five miles at home without a meltdown of some sort, and yet on the long trips they typically do great. But even this trip was a record for us and I’m still astounded that we made it home without having to drop someone off in Columbus or Cincinnati.

I remember when I was a kid (he said in his best old man impersonation) we didn’t have car seats, or laws about sitting up front. We also didn’t have DVD players, streaming video and i-pod touches. We rode on the hump, laid in our dad’s lap as he drove, sprawled out in the back seat, played road bingo and punch bug. Dad typically pulled over several times threatening to throw us off a bridge which garnered 20 miles or so until the next round of back seat anarchy.

But now, even with the restrictions of car safety legislation, the kids (and parents) have tools that make the trip a little easier. So as I packed the car for our trip north I thought I had it covered. Snacks, drinks, DVD player, i-pods, headphones, books, games, you name it we had it. Then it happened. As we pulled out of the drive way we realized the DVD player wasn’t working. On top of that my car charger was AWOL. That meant no movies and I had maybe 2 hours before I’d hear, “DAADDD!!! My I-pod is dead!”

A wave of panic rushed through my veins as I tried to assess the potential damage and come up with a plan B. Meanwhile by the grace of all that’s holy, the kids all fell asleep within the first 30 minutes which bought me a couple of hours.

I heard a couple of yawns and saw some stretching going on which let me know I’d soon have a lot of requests coming my way. That’s when I heard one of the kids ask, “Can we watch TV on your phone?” I hadn’t even thought of that! Fortunately I had a full charge and the Netflix app ready to roll on my i-phone. My car stereo has an ‘aux’ plug that allows you to listen to your phone through the car speakers which is an added bonus! And so it was that we managed to make it through the first 1/3 of the trip virtually unscathed. From there we picked up another charger and suddenly the DVD player was a forgotten memory as my phone, little screen and all, became the center of entertainment.

As I mentioned we’ve been road tripping for a long time. So my kids are accustomed to long stretches in the car. We started with little 1-2 hour trips and worked our way up. Now it’s my kids, all 10 and under, who are typically the ones who don’t want to stop. When we stop to gas, they just want to go to the bathroom and get food through the drive-thru so we can keep on moving. Pretty amazing actually. When everyone’s doing well we will do that, but I’ve learned that sometimes we all need a break from the journey and will stop for a longer break while I recharge and the kids decompress.

And then we’re off again.

Traveling with kids can be a challenge as we all know. The trick is to do as much preparation ahead of time as you can. And not just in terms of entertainment and snacks. Mental preparation is almost, if not more, important. Acknowledge in your head from the very beginning that there are going to be trying moments and plan ahead how you’re going to handle them. Promise yourself you’ll keep a cool head and recognize that it’s the circumstances that are causing the issues. That’s not to say you won’t have your moments of “don’t make me pull over!” which you will, but the more you can prepare yourself the more enjoyable it’ll be for everyone. As the dad (or mom) you set the tone.

Some tips.Make sure snacks, drinks, etc. are within arms reach as you won’t have someone next to you to help. Have a “take turns” plan of action for movies, tv shows, music etc. At the same time, depending on how many kids you have, don’t be afraid to double up on DVD players. Borrow a neighbor’s DVD player to give the girls one to watch Barbie on and the boys one to watch Thomas the Train on. It’s more effort, but makes for a much smoother ride.

Above all try to remind everyone about the north star; the goal, the prize! Talk about it with the kids mid stream. “What are you looking forward to most when we get to the lake?” “How many fish are you going to catch?” “Are you going to go tubing this year?”

As frustrating as traveling with the kids can be at times, not once have I ever regretting the trip. The bonding that takes place is irreplaceable. The time spent focused on the kids is priceless. Even the trip itself becomes an event you conquer together. The important thing is that you’re spending time as a family. The trip itself is really only part of a much more important journey. It’s that thought that keeps me throwing the kids in the back seat and taking off for adventures that otherwise would be time spent watching too much Disney. (no offense Mickey).

Every mile is a memory. Every memory is one more opportunity to remind the kids of how important they are and how important your relationship with them is. That in and of itself is worth the trip.
 
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Posted by on June 5, 2012 in Camps, Daily Life, Divorce, full schedule, holidays, hurdles, Kid Tips, pacing yourself, physical activity, planning ahead, positives, roadtrips, Scheduling, Staying Positive, Support, Talking To Kids, traveling with kids, Uncategorized, vacation

 

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Perfect Attendance!

24 May

Through 16 years of school I never once achieved perfect attendance. I could usually count on at least one good old fashioned cold to keep me home at least a day or two. I could always enhance the symptoms enough to get the sympathy vote. Alway loved that moment when mom would say the magic words; “OK, I’ll go make you some chamomile tea; you stay in bed and rest.” An hour later I’d be on the couch under 5 blankets watching Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers Neighborhood on a UHF channel eating a Snickers bar.

Sadly, the experience is one that my own kids may not never look back on with such fondness. For you see, today all three came home with Perfect Attendance Certificates. All three! It still amazes me that through the course of what was most likely one of the most difficult years we’ve ever experienced as a family, we somehow by the grace of God managed to get the kids to school every single day.

It got me thinking. I realize we do what we do out of the love of our children. But would it be so wrong for the parents to get some kind of an award for having the kids at their desk every single solitary school day? Would it hurt to receive a $10 gift card to Krispy Kreme or maybe an oil change? All of those mornings when at least one of the kids refused to get out of bed, the arguments over whether the chosen shorts were too, um, short, or the mornings one of them would try to get out of having to hand in a report that wasn’t finished. All of the lunches, getting them dressed, teeth brushed, shoes tied, the mad dashes to the bus, the days having to drive them because we missed said bus. Yet, we made it every time. Both their mom and I somehow managed to pull it off. So why does the kid get all of the praise? Seriously!

If you feel jilted, if you feel you deserve and award, I have just the thing for you. It’s your very own perfect attendance award. Print it … sign it, frame it and hang it on the wall. Let the world know that every morning at 6 a.m. you were the one the kids woke up to make breakfast. It was you who embarrassed the kids by standing out by the bus stop wearing your raggedy pj’s, your sweat stained baseball cap and a pair of flip flops … in the snow. You can click on the image for a printable version that’ll look great on the mantle or just hanging on the fridge long enough to make your kid’s eyes roll.

And don’t fret moms. There’s a version for you too. Hang it with pride. Let the kids know who really deserves the credit for making sure they had enough children’s Benadryl to get them through the day without anyone realizing they were contageous.

Maybe you didn’t get your very own version in school 20-30 years ago. But now’s your chance to make up for it. Live vicariously through your kids with your own award that lets the world know you were there. You may have been half asleep. Hell, you may not even remember most of the mornings, but you got them on the bus with or without a scarf.

O.K., being serious for a moment. It’s a lot of work being there day in and day out. If you’re fortunate enough to have a good relationship with your ex and you live close enough to each other to help each other out, there are a ton of benefits to be had from a positive relationship. Not the least of which is making sure your kids are prepared for school every day. And I don’t just mean getting there. There are the school supplies, ensuring one of you is there for every school event, every class performance, field trip, maybe lunch once in a while. Anything to let the kids know you’re there for them and that even though their mom and dad aren’t together anymore, that doesn’t mean they’re not going to get the love and support they should expect from their mom and dad.

Look, all kidding aside, it’s impossible to be a perfect mom or dad. But just being there is a great place to start. Usually that’s all the kid is looking for. To know you’re there. To know that you care and to know you’ll be there when they need you and some times even when they don’t. If there’s any certificate to strive for, it’s the lifetime perfect attendance award for just being there day after day.

 
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Posted by on May 24, 2012 in attendance, Daily Life, dealing with stress, Divorce, Encouragement, full schedule, Kid Tips, listening, love, mental stability, mental wellness, pacing yourself, Purpose, reassurance, responsibility, School, Uncategorized

 

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The Mad Rush! (sleep update #2)

15 Mar

Well … yes I was up until after midnight. But I was being very productive and would have stayed up later, but forced myself to get some sleep.

However my eldest came in at 11:17 to tell me her foot itched. This was a foreshadowing of what was to come:

Let me state for the record that 9 out of 10 mornings run very smoothly without incident. Everyone normally has their clothes pulled out for the morning and we have a pretty good routine worked out. Because of that, even when they’re tired, they typically just blindly follow the norm and we’re good to go. And this particular morning started off very calm with hugs and kisses to wake everyone up and plenty of time to get ready. But for whatever reason, (I’m personally blaming the time change as I believe I am allowed to do so for up to 5 days) … this particular morning our machine was short on oil and within 10 minutes:
7:01:
- DAAADDDDDD … I don’t have anything TO WEAR!!!
- Get out of my room!
- She’s is a jerk! I HATE HER!
- Can I play hooky today?
- I don’t want a peanut butter sandwich in my lunch today I HATE peanut butter!
- All of my shirts are too small!
- Stop touching me!
- “Daaaadddd … Where are my pink sandals that I wore last year?”
- LEAVE ME ALONE!
- DAAAADDDDD!!!!
- These pants don’t fit me!
- Daaaaddd!!!
- I wanna be a car rider.
- I can’t find socks!
- STOP BANGING ON THE DOOR!
- But I need to brush my teeth!
- Get OUT of the BATHROOM!
- I NEED TO BRUSH MY TEETH STUPID HEAD!
- I HATE these jeans!
- Daaaaddd!!!
- @ 7:51: “where’s my other pink sandal?”
- @ 7:52: “Dad I can only find one shoe!!!”
- @ 7:53: “seriously I can only find one pink sandal! UURRRGGGG!!!!”
- @ 7:54: “PLEASE … can I play hooky today?”
- @ 7:55: FOUND IT!
- You sit in the middle
- I sat in the middle last time
- Stop bumping me!!!
- I CAN’T BUCKLE!!!

I of course, being so well rested, was calm as a cucumber the entire time .

At 7:58 we pulled up to the bus stop as the bus was pulling up. We stopped for a moment and though having spoken in tongues the previous 50 minutes, we all managed to apologize for how badly the morning went in a calm rational manner at which point my list maker decided we would gather after school and revisit our plan to make sure we got back on track tomorrow. And then somehow, by the grace of God and all that’s good … somewhere through divine intervention, as they were running to the bus, all three stopped to run back and give me a hug and kiss before they got on.

And I … slowly slid back in my car and headed for my day.

It’s easy to blame the kids for a rough morning like that. But the truth is it’s up to us to guide them. Make sure they have what they need and that everything is together and as ready as we can make it. If I was digging in the dryer for matching socks for 15 minutes … I had no one to blame but myself. So I take my share of the burden for this morning. Life was a little too full and I let some things lax and suffered the consequences. How I react to the kids is also my choice. Their mom and I tell them all the time, “how you react is YOUR choice.” I told them before they got on the bus that if I raised my voice or got annoyed, that wasn’t their fault. How I chose to react is my choice just like how they react is theirs. We can’t blame each other for how we respond to a circumstance. That’s up to us.

SO … I’ll take this morning as a learning and teaching opportunity and will let you know what adjustments we make at half time and how tomorrow goes.

 
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Posted by on March 15, 2012 in bedtime, Daily Life, full schedule, morning routine, sleep, time management

 

Go to SLEEP!

11 Mar

If I’ve learned anything over the past year when this process began, it’s the value of back to back nights of quality sleep. When the life of a single parent is thrust upon you through the process of a divorce, it is impossible to truly comprehend what’s in store for you in terms of time requirements. I don’t think as a spouse, we truly appreciate just how much the other half handles. Over time, the requirements of keeping a house going become immense and so many things happen that we’re completely unaware of until that other person is no longer there to do those things. It’s not that we didn’t know they were carrying a share of the load, but we get so focused on everything that WE do, we fail to recognize the value of our partner’s efforts. That is of course, until it’s all on our own shoulders. This in turn throws off our schedules as we pick up the added responsibilities and attempt to juggle it all.

Of course we completely anticipate that we’ll manage and be able to maintain our same routine and schedule. We also have every intention of going to bed at a decent hour after we’ve wiped our hands of all our new duties.

Yeah, good luck with that.

I myself continually find wind up awake at 1 a.m. or later. Usually I’m working late trying to catch up on business as I attempt to balance life between being 100 percent focused on the kids when they’re here and 100 percent focused on work when they’re not. But many times I’m not really accomplishing much. I’m just going over in my head what needs to happen in the days to come or putting off going to bed for God knows why. And before I know it, it’s 6 a.m. and life is picking me up and carrying me along for the ride.

When I’m sleep deprived every issue appears 10 times bigger and that much more impossible to overcome. Everything overwhelms me and internally I’m convinced I won’t survive. It’s an ugly feeling that spills over into my overall mood and how I address the world. In a word, it’s unhealthy.

Compare that to when I’m properly rested and force myself to bed at a reasonable hour. I awake ready to take on any task and move any mountain. I see things from a more positive position and feel adequately prepared to meet challenges head on. It’s mind blowing to me the difference in mental attitude that surfaces from something that’s so raw and basic in nature.

But it’s easier said than done. How many times 11 o’clock has rolled around and I’m either working or just thumbing through Facebook or e-mails almost as if I’m convinced the answers to all my questions will suddenly appear through the magic of an electronic message.

It’s one thing when it’s just me, but when the kids are home, they deserve a rested, mentally capable parent to guide them through their own crises. They need me on top of my game and emotionally prepared to carry it all on my shoulders. Conversely, my own mountains need me rested in order for me to have the mental power to move them and not just stand at the bottom of them overwhelmed by the task at hand. I can’t let them have that control over me. I need to have the mental sharpness and clarity to dig in with the confidence necessary to push them aside or climb them depending on the circumstance. And all too often that all begins with a good night sleep.

So this week I’m going to challenge myself to be in bed no later than 10 or 11 p.m. I’ll put the i-phone down, turn off the television, put aside the project and make sure I’m well rested for the day to come. Will try to update you as the week progresses.

 
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Posted by on March 11, 2012 in Behavior, Daily Life, dealing with stress, depression, Encouragement, full schedule, mental stability, mental wellness, pacing yourself, sleep, Staying Positive

 

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